Anyone close to me knows I live by the mantra the love and life we create is the love and life we live. (Thank you Leo Buscaglia) I have always felt a strong belief that I must choose and create my life and live the choices I make. And I have. Lately I have been reflecting on how my choices impacted the people in my life - especially my children. Pretty much from the moment I became an adult I fearlessly forged ahead, surrounding myself with the love and support of my parents, siblings and other family members and close friends. With the vision of my life blazoned boldly in my sights I held unyielding faith that - coupled with my desire internalized and efforts and action - my vision would be realized. And it was. Instinctively I avoided toxic relationships and discarded negative experiences, choosing to "take the best, and leave the rest" from each. As a result, I have spend most of my life being connected, contented, joyous and feeling blessed.My life choices included ending two marriages. At the time, although I acknowledged that my children would no doubt be affected, I think I minimized the impact and pain it caused them, choosing to believe that the decision was best for everyone and if I was happier, I would be a better mother, and therefore they would ultimately be happier.
The gift of the passing years for me has been a deeper appreciation of the ripple effect of the choices I have made in my life. I left my parents explaining the radical changes in my life to their friends and family and most importantly I imposed life changes on my girls, changes they didn't have a voice in. I can only imagine the pain of being torn between two households, living out of a duffel bag, always missing someone ... I have worked hard to build a strong family and create a stable circle of unconditional love, rich with traditions and rituals. I only hope it has been enough.
My choices have created ripples ... it's time to acknowledge that, and to offer apologies to those who have been hurt by my choices. Would I choose differently knowing what I know now? Probably not. I would however be more sensitive to the needs and feelings of my loved ones. And I would remember that choices have ripples ... as I have learned.
This is touching. Sometimes in the midst of making a decision its really hard to think of the later "ripple" affect it will have- it isn't until much later and after much self introspection we realize.
ReplyDeleteI love your life motto. Quiet possibly one I'll adopt.
My parents divorced when I was young, and while living without one of them constantly was a difficulty, I can honestly say that it was for the best. Both of them were much happier when I was with them than they would have been if I'd been able to be with them together. I honestly preferred the time spent with them apart...they were better able to concentrate on being good parents. While it hurt us all at first, it was for the best. My guess is that you've done the right thing in your own situation as well. =]
ReplyDeleteHappy St. Patrick's Day!