Sunday, May 13, 2012
Celebrating and Remembering
Today is Mother's Day.
I used to dread this day and everything that went with it: standing vacantly in front of a wall of cards, reading prose that no longer applied, wishing that I had to buy one; watching mothers and daughters on their outings at the mall ...
Their were times when I didn't want to get out of bed; preferring to immerse myself in your memory, and in what "was", instead of what "is". I would replay mental memory strips of moments with you in them, remembering the warmth of your hugs and the special spot on your neck where I would land when you comforted me. I remembered your soft but infectious laugh -- it was more of a giggle-- and how you sang as you did your housework. I would spend the day wallowing in want - wanting you to be here.
Today is Mother's Day and I'm better now, Mom. I can relive the memories without reliving the pain of your loss. I have moved from grief to gratitude. I remember each and every lesson you have ever taught me and the rest of the sibs. We speak your name every day and I start alot of my sentences with "my mom used to say...".
My girls have inherited all that you taught me, and that which your mother taught you. They are good girls Mom. In fact, all of your grandkids are good people, bound to be solid citizens of the planet. But somehow I feel like you already know that; I can feel your smile at special occasions and I know you would be so proud of them all.
So today, on this special day dedicated to mothers, in the tradition of celebration, I will graciously accept all of the love and attention that my daughters want to share with me. I am filled with gratitude for these lovely ladies that I have been blessed with, and for the mother who taught me so much and is proof of the most important lesson of all - that love never dies. Happy Mother's Day. I had the very best.