Mum's Day

Call me cynical, or negative or whatever. But I absolutely dread Mother's Day. I am a daughter without a mother and more than any other, Mother's Day is the painful reminder of that. I am a person who is usually in tight control of their emotions ... if a tear rolls, it's because I let it.

Who am I kidding ... I am a middle aged (did I just say that??) woman who must be nearing menopause. I have about as much control over my emotions as an infant. Stick me in front of a collection of Mother's Day cards and I reduce to a puddle of mush. I can barely help hubby pick one out for his mummy.

I know -- I should be remembering all of the happy memories we shared, what a wonderful person she was and how lucky I was to have had such an extraordinary mother. And I do -- every day. Not a single day passes without a happy thought of my mother. But THAT one day every year really gets to me. And it's a bit of a conundrum ... I am a mother to three daughters. A reason to get out of bed that day. As my mother once reminded me, if all of the mothers without mothers were so saddened that they couldn't acknowledge Mother's Day, there wouldn't be one. I know it can be a day to celebrate being a mother as much as anything else.

However ... allow me just this - a few moments in time
To let myself feel the void, the empty space
Where she used to be.
Let me fill with sadness and wrap myself in loneliness
And wallow, spare but a few moments.
Let me miss her; and if I so desire, shed a tear.
I know it's been years but the loss is still near.
And when I have spent all raw emotion, tears dried,
The colour will return, memories will sharpen
And my heart will be filled to overflowing
With gratitude.

I had the very best.