Week of Hell in Haiti

It's happening again. Deja vu. I thought after Katrina, lessons would be learned, and that the next time disaster struck, it would be handled better. And maybe it has been, but from all that I have seen from Haiti, it is playing like a repeat episode of a bad drama ... scenes of anguished faces, desperate pleas for help, streets littered with corpses and people deprived of the basics of life .... while the basics for life sit stockpiled at the airport.

After the earthquake the world responded immediately - and generously. The cries of the those plunged in darkness and despair were heard. Monies were raised in record time and volunteers, supplies and planes were dispatched. There was - and is - a will to assist.  Sadly the challenge has been to effectively coordinate the distribution of the life saving food, water and medicines to the survivors who are in urgent need. CNN just reported that it is estimated that as many as 20,000 earthquake survivors are dying every day due to the lack of medical treatments and basic essentials. Preventable deaths.

How can  this be happening yet again? Life is a precious gift. The Haitians who are alive have already survived a catastrophic event - only to face a second life threatening hurdle. Every death now - especially those caused by starvation or lack of water is preventable and inexcusable.

One of the most moving moments I witnessed was the spirit of a woman pulled from a flattened building after six days. Her husband was waiting for her, and when she saw him, she raised her arms in praise and burst into song. She was singing her thanks for being alive. My take away - reminder to honour the gift that is my life.

The blackboard found from a collapsed school serving as a tomb for 130 perished children had a message written in chalk by the teacher the day of the earthquake  ... it read  "May God receive them with open arms".

We can do better. We must.

Hearts of Hope

The world as they knew it
Evaporated,  ceased to be.
They are emerging from rubble
Arms outstretched.
The need - so very great.

Will we heed their calls?
We have so much, in fact
More than we need.
It just takes many (each of us)
To give a little.

They are emerging from the rubble
Triumpant and determined.
Life is already resuming
With spirits rising, unifying.
Will we rise with them?

Hearts of hope to the people of Haiti ...
we're listening.

Post Notes

The weekend seemed to fly by as so often is the case. I had homework which I just completed ... I think I was channeling Kidlet. All of last week she was withdrawn, intensely struggling, juggling the myriad of responsibilities and activities she has taken on. And she insisted on going it alone. My words were of little comfort; my offers of help shunned. Shut out. That's what I was.

On Saturday when we talked the relief in her voice was evident. She had taken matters into her own hands and sought help. She now has a plan, the resources and the desire to work it. She has alot riding on this final year of school and we both know it.

She needs no reminders and apparently not my help. As she so earnestly told me, she had to solve it on her own. And she did.

But I am not wandering far, and I'm still here should she ever need me ...

Letting Go

Letting go of that over which we have no control ...

I am learning to do this better with each passing year. I am a little bit of a control freak and a fixer ... and I tend to get frustrated when I can't resolve / solve something. I am relentless in my attempts to make it right. Then the day came when I hit a wall -- a disease in my mother that I couldn't fix. By her example I learned to take full control of what I could (her care) and let go of what I couldn't (her illness).

I've encountered friends and family who suffer with alcoholism and I learned that I couldn't control their drinking - but I could choose my response and participation in it. There was a time when I would spend countless hours on the phone listening and coaching an inebriated soul on the other end who - next day - couldn't remember the call. I would forgo my children's bedtime stories to "help". I was missing the part where the drinker had to decide they needed help.

I came to realize that my bid to be a helper was actually somewhat egotistical -- I was deriving self importance while letting my priorities slip. What was that about - a deep seated need to be needed -- or make a difference?

Life has a way of delivering unordered tragedies, roadblocks and hurdles. They are tests. We should expect them. And the question is not "why" - but rather "how" best we can handle them, or help others to do so. It is a choice we can make ... and that is something we can control.

Sheltering Tree

When black clouds gather and waters are rough it's good to know that there's a safe harbour, a sheltering tree. I am fortunate in that I grew up in the midst of people who exemplified caring and nurturing. Our home was a central hub for friends and family members who needed help, a listening ear or advice. My parents offered all they had to give ... and then some. They set a solid example for us to follow.

Everyone needs a sheltering tree ... a place/person of refuge. When times are tough and I need a soft place to fall -- I seek the soft spot - south of hubby's shoulder, west of his chest - to lay my head. Works for me.

Busy Buzz

Depleted.
That's me tonight. I gulp glasses of water as if somehow that will replenish my tired body and soul. I have spent the day like honey bee, passing pollen from blossom to blossom. I have given all I have to offer and although I am tired - I am satisfied and contented.

Highlighted.
Trailing labelia, pink snapdragons, petunias - blossoms in shades of purple, fuschia, pink, and white, My planting pots are overflowing and our yard is now vibrant in full living colour. Hands buried in the soil, dirt on my face and not a care in the world ... nothing brings peace like communing with the garden. A hot caramel sundae from the Dairy Queen doesn't hurt either.

Good Night.
Sleep will come easy tonight; the day has been full and fruitful. Peace to those who are carrying burdens hard to bear ... may sleep come to you as well.

Hugs n Stuff

I am weary tonight ... and thankfully tomorrow is Friday.

The phone was flashing - a message from a family member. Her tiny frail voice was full of distress and even a little desperation. She is worried about her husband and brother, both who are very ill. She doesn't have many people to turn to. A phone call is an elixir for her.

My take away from my day is that there are many people in need - all around me. Lonely people. Struggling, frightened, financially strapped, worry-burdened people. And they are all people I love. I've learned that I can't always be all things to all people, however I can listen, hug, support, agree, disagree, suggest, provide, understand, share, empathize, sympathize and above all - offer unconditional love. Maybe just not all at the same time.

Look around - your office, your family and circle of friends ... anyone hurting? Anyone need a hug?

Witnessing the Sadness

Sometimes it's the hardest thing ... to watch someone you love be in pain and hurt by another human being. We feel helpless as our loved one suffers humiliation, sadness, heartache, and disappointment at the hands of someone they once loved. The helplessness comes from having no control. We can do nothing to change the outcome for them.

Oh sure - we fantasize about confronting the person causing the harm, twisting their nose and telling them the fault of their ways (using lots of words that require #%#^$), berating them for the pain they have caused. We dream of telling them that size does matter. But when it is all said and done what- if anything - will be accomplished - save for few moments of therapeutic venting? Nothing will have changed.

It's ugly to witness and I suppose harder to be the object of the wrath and hatred. Better to put your empathy hat on and offer two loving arms and soft place for your loved one to fall. Sometimes it's the best we can do. Sometimes it all we can do.

Help not Hinder

Maybe it's the times we're in; or the stage of life or maybe there are alot of people in need ... whatever the reason, alot of my conversations in the past few days have been about helping the ones we love, how much help is enough and at what point does help actually become enabling.

help ...
1. to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy
a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; aid; assist.
2. to save; rescue;
3. to make easier or less difficult; contribute to; facilitate.

Sometimes it's the choices we make or sometimes life imposes situations or events on us that are beyond our control. And we just need a little (or alot of) help - a shoulder to lean on, financial assistance, advice - to get back on track.

Without a doubt families should help one another in times of need, in a crisis or to get over a hump. The goal should be to help them through troubled times so they can get on with the business of living their lives. But there is a fine line between aiding and enabling -- when we have to resist the urge to control and live their lives for them instead of helping and then letting go. Helping - not hindering. And sometimes the best help is none at all ...

I have been learning this lesson as a mother, daughter, sister and wife ... and even as a friend.

How much is enough?

It's been a short weekend but somehow - a long day. If we could hold a vote right now for a four day work week - I would be right there - cheering it on. We try to cram so much into those two sacred days ... and ironically, the stuff we are cramming into them is stuff we need to get through the following week, Things like laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning. The best of good intentions get filed under just that -- unfulfilled intentions.

I have to admit that if I have had lots of visiting and family time, somehow the weekend feels as though it has been productive. That being said, it was a very productive weekend; we spent a good part of the day and all of Saturday night at my in-laws' - FIL and MIL. Our aunt was in town with her daughter and son-in-law and we through in an extra surprise with an appearance by a special Uncle B and his wife. It was great to be exchanging jibes and jokes -- the sound of unrestrained laughter and chatter filling the air. As the rye and wine flowed, the jokes got better and the smiles wider. The music got louder and people even took a few twirls and swirls. In fact, I think even FIL and Uncle B bonded over a tune or two.

Daughter2 had arrived mid day so Daughter1 decided to stay overnight as well. All three daughters back under the same roof ... just like when they were teens. That being said, the dynamics in the house fall right back to those years. The usual bickering ensures and I get cranky. Fun!

This morning we all were up early to prepare our fruit platter for the birthday brunch Dad was throwing his wife. Dad called a little earlier to discuss some personal business. He recognises that he is wrestling with sadness ... he said when he look in the mirror he doesn't recognise the person he is becoming. I worry for him. I know he isn't sleeping and the troubles that my sister is experiencing is causing him great distress.

He is feeling somewhat hopeless in that he is experiencing his daughter's horrific situation as a bystander - but one who is called upon to enter the ring - but not put up any fists. Helpless to truly help in the fight - but called upon to administer the first aid.

I too have shared these feelings and have found the process of watching people you love be in excruciating pain, so much harder that any single difficulty I have had to overcome myself, in my own life.

There are problems that need solving by people who don't own them. Help can come in so many forms -- money being but one. Families are supposed to be there for one another - unconditional love - but one has to wonder - when is help not help - but rather enabling. And how much is enough?

My step-mom looked pleased and we tried to make the best of any opportunity to be together as a family.

Next ... the family camping trip ...