On My Way Back to Myself

I've missed you. To be honest, it feels a little strange to be back in this space that was once my place of comfort; exploration and creativity. I strayed; I experienced alot of life; and I reflected. And  just as life famously does, it has deposited me back at the doorstep of this blog. It is calling me and I am ready. It's not unlike dusting off an old trunk of precious treasures and memorabilia.

Last weekend I was at a two-day retreat, Journey to Rise. I went to support my friend Laura and in the process I was awakened to what I have learned over the years of reading, manifesting and knew to be true. I had a sign...I heard people repeatedly calling my mother's name, Roma. It's not a common name especially if you are of Irish/French Canadian descent. And then I realized the gentle healing dog that greeted each of us was named Roma. I warmed at every mention.

I meditate, well, at least since last weekend. I am not good at it. I struggle to keep my mind from cycling and to be still in the quiet. But I have to believe that I'll get better at it.  I have been starting small with short 10-12 minute long guided meditations - last thing I do before I fall asleep and the first thing in the morning. I have been sleeping deeper  and have felt joy radiating from my deepest being all week.

When my eyes are closed and no matter what the meditation calls for, the word LOVE pops up, in fuchsia, blue and purple. What do you want? LOVE. What is your reason for gratitude? LOVE. What do you picture your future self doing? LOVING. I am LOVE.

And my purpose is right there, lurking in the distance, gradually coming into focus.

I am writing. I am creating. I am listening to music. I am reconnecting and strengthening my connections (more about that in my next post) and I feel a deep peace and feeling of gratitude.

I am on my way back to myself.

Toning the Writing Muscle

My dad asked me if I thought blogging was on the way out - or already done. I told him that I thought so; many of my favourite bloggers haven't posted in months and I rarely get a comment anymore. Blog fatigue. I think the length and commitment of the blog has given way to the succinct 140 character quips and tweets. People are busy and want info served up in small tidy packets.

I get it. But it does not deter me. Because, wisely or not, I blog for myself. I blog to exercise my writing muscle; to express myself; to cause myself to pause at day's end and reflect. After all, any day worth living has a gift - a nugget of truth or wisdom. And I set out to seek the gift.

I have been blogging for more than six years now. I started this space to challenge myself to write every day. I accomplished that the first two years and sadly the number of posts reduced by half in each subsequent year. I waned. I let other things get in the way of writing and I missed it. Writing takes commitment and today I am renewing my vows, so to speak. My "muscle" is flabby (like so many others) but not for long! That's the beauty of time -- we can reinvent ourselves and start anew for tomorrow is a new day. And for that, I am truly grateful.

Rumbles

Today the earth moved under my feet - for about 15 seconds. I was chatting happily with my work friend, probably repeating a story that she's heard a dozen times before. I was just working up to the draw-dropping interesting point of my story when I felt something more than my bran flakes digesting - a strange vibration in my tummy that spread over my whole body. I was relieved to find out that I wasn't just having a hot flash .... our workstations swayed and it became apparent that we were having an earthquake.

I logged onto Twitter and tweets were just starting to come in asking people to tweet if they felt the quake. It  was only 5.5 strong but it was far reaching. It was somewhat ironic that one of the areas that felt the impact most was the G8 secure zone in Toronto.

Mother Earth was taking a little tantrum today. First she grumbled and then spun some damaging tornadoes and extreme thunderstorms. She made her displeasure known and fully exercised her right to protest. And let's face it, she has reason to be ticked off.

On another note, hubby and I signed off at the lawyers and take possession Friday. I can say with all honesty that I have never had a dream unfulfilled ... and by the time I return from Kenya in July, I will have the list fully checked off. Of course I will start a new one, but hey, for a few minutes, I'll bask in utter contentment and gratitude. Lucky me; lucky us. So today, the earth moved under my feet - in so many ways....

Cleansing Breath

I sit in my kitchen, coffee in hand peering hopefully out the window. There are a few flakes swirling in the air. It wants to snow. I can feel it. Winter is embarassed by her stark nakedness. Green grass and rain have no place in a Canadian January. Why has our little patch of Oakville been passed over?

Today is the very first day of a brand new year. Clicking away on my keyboard, reflecting, I am trying to decide if I should make some affirmations that are rolling around my head - official. I am not sure it matters. I do think however that for me, it is important for me to decide what I want my year to stand for. It gives me a focus. Last year I decided upon: mindful living; writing; and giving. I think this year I am going to assign a single word to my intention -- volunteer. I have been throwing it around, contemplating, visualizing and procastinating long enough. I am not getting any younger - and there is no time to waste.

So next year as I write my first blog of 2011 I will be able to reflect on how volunteering affected me and helped me be a better person. I am making be an actionable item for myself. Now I've done it - I've committed and put it out there ... so stay tuned.

I hope you are enjoying this new year's day and taking a deep cleansing breath to get you through the upcoming year. It's going to be exciting ... I can just feel it!

Now snow darn it!!

Affirmative

We had a hypnotist at our workplace Christmas luncheon today. He was the entertainment. He managed to coax 6  volunteers he needed for the show from the audience (although he wanted 12). Most people were reluctant - me included.

It was fascinating to watch my coworkers respond to the hypnotist's every suggestion - no matter how silly. He had them pulling at their clothes and wiping "sweat" at his suggestion that temperatures were soaring into the high 30's (Celsius). Then he had them falling in love with the first person they laid eyes on so they could slow dance. Of course we in the audience were laughing hysterically at the sight.

But it occurred to me how incredible it would be if it were only that simple - to suggest a positive thought and have people respond so enthusiastically. So many things would be different. We would all be kinder to one another. We could have our hearts opened to and seek the goodness around us. If we started each work day with a suggestion that it was going to be a wonderfully fulfilling, productive day - it would surely become one! So we think - so we shall be. Positive affirmations have the same effect ... but some struggle with the concept. The hypnotist - in a few short minutes had the volunteers reacting and responding to his every comment.

Right thinking begins with the words we say to ourselves.

- James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

I was taught at an early age to program myself with positive thoughts and imagery. I have an internal conversation with myself every day, and when I need it most ... my mother taught me to rephrase my words and wishes from "I want to be" or "I wish"  to "I am ..." . She explained that at first it may not be true at that moment but that if I kept affirming my desires and goals, they would eventually become a reality. The power of suggestion and affirmation are powerful practices and they work both ways (positively and negatively). Channelling energy into destructive thoughts become self fulfilling, so they have to be kept in check.

It works. Maybe not as quickly as a hypnotist ... but it works. Something to keep in mind when making up my "resolutions" for the new year. A list of affirmations of the version of myself that I know I can be - that I am - in the present tense:

> I give more than I get.
> I am generous.
> I am healthy and strong.  etc. etc. etc.

I am hopeful and optimistic - and affirmative!

Affirming the New Year

Today is the first day of 2009, and first day of everything possible. What is it about new starts that motivate us? I just answered my own question. New starts. Blank pages. Clean slate.

A new story waiting to be written. As I reflect on my life and the experiences, events and milestones of the past year I can't help but wonder what the upcoming year will bring. Actually, I subscribe to the idea that we bring "it" to our own lives. It is our story to create. The hardest part is deciding exactly what I want out of the year.

I used to write lengthy lists of goals and action plans - and most came to fruition. These days my wants and wishes are fewer and somewhat more simple ... I prefer to affirm them:

I call my children and parents (hubby's parents too) more often.
I move my body at least three times a week.

I eat lots of green things!
I reach out to those who are lonely or in need.
I tell my loved ones that I love them and what they mean to me.
My hubby, children and family are healthy.
I refrain from complaining.
I give more than I take.
I am kind to our environment and planet.
I volunteer.

I read a book a month.
I write daily.

I count my blessings every day, and am thankful for the gift of each day.

Here's to fresh starts and to creating a Happy New Year!