Staring Down Sixty

Me wearing sixty - freshly washed hair and a scrubbed, au natural face. 

Today is my birthday. I turned sixty.

Months ago the rumblings started about what I wanted to do to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. Sixty is a milestone birthday after all, and deserves to be celebrated. The advice I would give to others. And funny enough, I wasn't really feeling it. Not like I did when I was turning fifty. Then I wanted adventure; to push myself outside of my comfort zone; to travel to distant lands; and then to celebrate the day by cooking a feast for all of my beloved friends and family. I had clear desires and intentions around that special birthday and I realized them all.

I had landed on a family dinner with just the kids, sibs and our parents. And then the pandemic was declared and our world as we knew it was no more. We were sent home to roost in our respective nests to isolate and I was left to ponder and reflect.

I have come to realize that as the years pass, it takes less to satisfy me, to make me happy. I am contented. I have traveled and explored wild and wonderful places and loved and lived deeply. I have raised a brood of kidlets and enjoyed the riches and responsibilities of a large loving family. I have been blessed with rewarding work and curiosity that of a life long learner.

And now at sixty my heart yearns for connection, time spent, more moments shared with those I care about. And so for all of what I have experienced and the textures and colours that make up my life, I am truly grateful. And for all that we will learn from the pandemic and the famjams that will follow this quarantine, I am brimming with anticipation.

I am staring down sixty and the view is spectacular.

Worth Celebrating

Last year he didn't want to celebrate his birthday - being so close after Christmas (or so he said). "I'm turning eighty next year -- we'll have a party then". I pointed out that his January 5th birthday is always right after Christmas, and that would never change. But it seemed like a plan.

"No presents" he insisted. "There's nothing I need; I don't need one single more shirt or sweater. I just want to spend it with the family".

And so my sibs and I rallied our spawn and impressed upon them the importance of them clearing their calendars and making sure they attended. No coaxing required - they were all in.

And so we all planned. We set the date (the Saturday after his actual date), he booked his community clubhouse and then we cut him off from any further details.

We contacted his close friends and colleagues, some former students and family and invited them to contribute to a book we were putting together. Have you ever sat a funeral listening to heart wrenching, moving eulogies in which they express how much the departed meant to them or impacted their life? Eulogies and superlatives are wasted on the dead and funerals. Anything worth saying should be expressed to the ones who truly matter to us. And so we asked people to share...and share they did. We knew the greatest gift we could give him would be the knowledge that he impacted lives; that he made a difference and that he was heard.

The hall filled up with wide smiles; balloons hovered above; Jeff took his seat and the grand piano and the party unfolded. We laid our our potluck smorgasbord of lasagna, baked beans, pulled pork, chicken, roasted potatoes and veggie chili - comfort food prepared with love from loved ones. Harmony and hubby performed "I Understand" and we sang some favourite family songs.

And then the elder addressed our tribe. He told them of his humble beginnings and happy childhood. He reminded them that they came from good, strong, resilient stock that valued family and relationships above things. His kids and grandkids sat wide-eyed while he quietly spoke, hanging on every word. He still has that authoritative air about him...

Every member of our family was there to show him what he means to all of us. We celebrated him and reveled in the warmth and love that was palpable in the room. We all need more reasons to celebrate, and every birthday is worth celebrating.

And so we came together to celebrate our patriarch and in doing so, gave ourselves the gift one another; the collective strength, security and unconditional love that comes with belonging to a tribe like ours.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

Heroes

It's been a day of heroes.

My dad is one of the most important people in my life. And today is his birthday. He didn't want to put anyone out with his "birthday being so close after the holidays" and all. I reminded him that it will always be that way, and that every birthday deserves to be celebrated. He insists that next year, when he turns 80, we will have a party. So this year, my sister and I took him for dinner, and simply, quietly, enjoyed his company.

It's a little tough having a super achiever for a dad. He is the gold standard by which I measure(d) all men. He's tall in stature and his love is even bigger. And on this day, his birthday, I celebrate the first hero I ever had.

And speaking of heroes, today I spoke to James Orbinski - one of a handful of personal heroes who truly inspire me. I was deeply moved by his book, An Imperfect Offering, and was inspired by his story depicted in the documentary Triage. He is a world class humanitarian, and better yet, he is Canadian. When we were looking for a keynote for a conference I am planning for work, I jumped at the opportunity to invite him to address our audience. He asked for someone to call him to discuss, and I won't lie, I could barely dial the number. And for a fleeting second I worried that he wouldn't be all that I envisioned. My worries were in vain. He was kind, humble, and engaging. And I was a babbling idiot. I called him the Forrest Gump of Canada and before he could contain that giggle, I blurted out that I couldn't me more excited if I were talking to Bruce Springsteen. Egads. It was an out of body experience and after hanging up the phone, I had to pinch myself. I should have slapped myself! 

So today I celebrate my heroes and count my lucky stars that I have positive, profoundly inspiring forces in my life. And for that, I am truly grateful.

Birthday Presence

Today I am fifty-five. Seems strange to write it; to see it in print. How is it possible?

I am the same age as my stepmother was when she moved here to be with my dad; as my mother-in-law (in heart) was when I first met her; and as my mother was when she got her lung transplant.

Birthdays cause me to reflect on my life, where my journey has taken me, and to marvel at the irony, excitement, and speed at which it passes.

Most importantly, it has me counting my blessings and the gifts in my life. I sat at the end of the table as hubby walked towards me with my favourite vanilla cake ablazing (adorned with NASCAR rings -- the only white cake they had) as a table-full of loving souls serenaded me.

I blew the dust off this neglected blog and gave myself a gift. I've missed my blogging, my search for the "take away" and gift in each day. My daily posting used to help me reset my compass, tell myself that which I needed most to know, and express myself.

At fifty-five I am disease-free - a little stiff and inflexible, but not on any medications stronger than the odd Advil. Added bonus - a pair of muffin toppers that defy camouflage and saggy bits on my face that don't defy gravity.   I have good friends and a huge loving tribe. I share myself with a kind, deeply caring man, have a job that is meaningful and fulfilling, and learn something new every day.

I am living the life of my choosing; of my own desire. It has provided adventure, taken me on detours, delivered surprises, and pushed my boundaries. It's been a physical stage for my spiritual development, providing me with the circumstances and challenges to teach me what I need to learn.

I appealed to my loved ones to donate to Good Hope as gifts and they all came through in spades, including my work family. I love that they so willingly support an organization that means so much to me, simply because it is so.

So today, on my birthday, my heart is full of gratitude for the privilege of growing old (a privilege not bestowed upon all) and I resolve to continue to squeeze every drop of living out of each day.

It's the very least I can do.

Fifty

She's my beautiful little sister. And today is her birthday.

She came into our world smiling and was easy to love. From sharing a bedroom, an apartment and later, a house -- to living down the street from one another, I've shared my life with this special woman. She is a giver, an advocate and a survivor. She embodies intelligence, strength and inner beauty and has never stopped growing and achieving...

So today, on her fiftieth birthday, I can say with full confidence, that the best is yet to be. She is poised for something exquisite.  And lucky me - I'll be there to share it all with her.

Happy birthday Glenda.

Reasons to Celebrate

Nine years ago hubby and I were married in a ceremony surrounded by our family and closest friends. It was a very special day for us. And to make it even more special, we celebrated Doris' eighty-eighth birthday with a cake at our reception. 

Nine years later, our beautiful grand lady is turning ninety-seven. And as everyone will tell  you, she is simply lovely -- healthy, good-natured and full of love and light. Today she told us that she is planning to be here for her 100th. No doubt! 

She is an inspiration to all of us - and especially for me and hubby on our anniversary.  I look over at the smooth, gentle face of my husband and say a silent prayer that we too may live well, and grow old together; that I may hold tight the hands of my beloved, until they are withered and weary with age. And that after a lifetime together, when asked, he would take my hand and with a smile, tell me he would do it all again.

If we can be so lucky.

Happy birthday Doris.

Expressions

When people ask me on Monday mornings how my weekend was, I always respond that it was great; that I've never met a weekend I didn't like! What's not to love -- two full days of something in front of Friday, my favourite day of the week. We cram alot of good stuff into these two days... and in the summer that usually includes some cottage time. However we still manage to weave in celebrations and precious family time.

A long anticipated birthday, Adventure Girl FINALLY turned 50 last weekend and Kidlet was my date for the elegant shindig. As each person stood to confess tell their Elysia tale, I couldn't help but think how special it was that she was hearing these sentiments and expressions of love and affection - too often reserved for eulogies expressed after someone has passed. With her dear old dad by her side, she laughed heartily along with everyone even as the evening took on a roast-like flavour. Her beaming face told the story - she thoroughly enjoyed herself and was moved by the love that filled the room.

It served as a good reminder to share our feelings with the ones we care about. Let them know what they mean to us and how our world is better with them in it. Leave no positive feeling unexpressed! Adventure Girl - if you are listening -- my world is better with you in it!

Just a final note to self: have had enough cake in the last two weeks to last a lifetime, or at least to inspire a 25K walk each day. Cheeks are ever expanding...

Doing (the) Charleston

Adventure Girl is turning 50 so you know what that means -- girls' trip! We chose Charleston for our five-day adventure for its heat, southern charm and history. The mojitos, fish tacos, and crab cakes were the added flavour - the bonus!

My two gal pals and I have been keeping a regular commitment of dinners, trips and socializing for more than twenty-five years now. We call ourselves the "dinner club" but we are so much more to one another -- sisters from other misters! We move together as an easy pack - we know one another's quirks and characteristics and solve our differences with playful banter.

Charleston is a wonderful city steeped in history and baked in exquisite cuisine, Yum! We ate our way across the region, taking a day to drive to Savannah with a pit stop in Hilton Head. Rather than write a travelogue here, I let my pictures speak for themselves.  Next milestone trip: 2018! Gotta start saving!!

Drayton Hall Plantation

Leave em rest - slave graveyard

Gas lanterns

Boot scrapers from the 1700's

Priceless

Kidlet had mentioned that she had something special for my birthday but that it had arrived yet. I reminded her that I had asked them not to buy me anything and she smiled slyly and said, "don't worry, it didn't cost anything".

Today she came over - sparkly gift bag and her eldest sister in tow. We all chatted over lunch and just about when I thought my curiosity was going to get the best of me, she handed me the bag.

I read the scrolls of paper in disbelief... it's no secret to the people around me that two of my greatest heroes and favourite Canadians are Stephen Lewis and Romeo Dallaire. I love them, and everything they stand and fight for. Stephen Lewis rages and wages war against the HIV/AIDS pandemic and serves as the world's collective conscience. Romeo Dallaire served as sentry during the Rwandan genocide, he broke rank to bear witness to the atrocities he was powerless to disarm, and also serves as our conscience. He pours his outrage, guilt and pain into service.
Lewis and Dallaire give voice to the disenfranchised and have dedicated their lives to create change for a better world.

Kidlet wrote to them, explaining how much they mean to me, and asked if they would write me a small note for my birthday.

I know it would be the best gift I could give her - words from her hero. She has inspired me my entire life and I would like to give her something inspirational back. I know you are a very busy man and receive many requests, but if you could fulfill this one, I would be eternally grateful.

They came through; and Kidlet came through - big time. Romeo Dallaire personalized a typed note:

The greatest compliment I can receive is to know I have inspired others to become passionate towards global issues. Keep believing in your ability to impact human rights issues half a world away.

I was overwhelmed. And then it got even better when I spotted the envelope with the Stephen Lewis Foundation stamp on it. Inside - a handwritten note containing the superlative language of the master communicator himself - Stephen Lewis.

Priceless. That is what this gift was. I was moved to tears and in so many ways. I told Kidlet that what we really want in this lifetime is proof that our loved ones really know us. A gift that shows you have been understood and heard is simply the best. And priceless. So thank  you Kidlet for your inspiring, one of kind, once in a lifetime gift, and for showing me your good heart. I love you. And you too - are priceless. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Birthday Revelations and Evolution

 It's my birthday! I suppose I should be humble about it all but to frank, I feel like shouting it from the rooftops. I am filled to overflowing with joy and gratitude.

So many wonderful things have happened and been given to me over the days leading up to and including today. I had floated a request to my loved ones for donations to Good Hope in lieu of presents and they came through. They donated more than $500 to the cause. It was special to have my birthday have so much meaning...

The past few days have been a whirlwind of social connection and LOTS of eating: schnitzel with my work colleagues, Thai with Elysia and Shirley, ribs lovingly prepared by my father-in-law (nothing says 'I love you' like dinner!) wrapping up with steak and chicken grilled by hubby. Cherry pie, cheesecake, birthday cake and apple crisp -- I foresee double-time on the treadmill in  my future.

My day started with me opening a text message from my far away sister - a video of herself whistling "happy birthday". I didn't even know she could whistle! Not to be outdone, my local sister called me up and started singing happy birthday to me - and despite my pleas to stop - she finished the whole song. God I love having sisters!

My girls and their significant others migrated back home for our family dinner and amidst it all - I felt contented and complete.

And when each birthday rolls around, it queues retrospection; each year and my age become my favourite. I am not sure if life gets better and sweeter or if my appreciate does.

At fifty-four I am still a work in progress, educating myself about social justice and the human condition, allowing myself to be changed by my experiences, evolving, and seeking to become the best possible version of myself.

Me 'au naturel' - make up free at fifty-four. My face is lined with the road map of my life - my triumphs and challenges, my loves and losses. And I am really okay with all of it! I've earned every wrinkle and crevice.

I try not to question why I am so fortunate and blessed in a world where there is much need and sadness. I prefer to simply honour and appreciate every gift and aspect of my life. I love my life and the precious souls who accompany me on my journey. And for that - and so much more - I am eternally grateful. Thank you

Reasons to Celebrate

You sat back in your chair quietly observing your grandchildren and their spices (not-quite-a-spouse) sitting in a circle, engaged in noisy, animated conversation. I wondered what thoughts were running through your head on this special day; your birthday.

Were you amazed at the fruit of your union - that 38 years of marriage and four children could evolve into a family of almost twenty - each and every member, happy and well adjusted. Were you remembering birthdays that had come before? Friends and family that were; and those who are no more? Was your heart full with gratitude for the life you have created, and the life you have lived - and are living? Did you feel the warmth and love that filled the space when we gathered together - love for one another, and love for the cherished patriarch of our family?

I am not sure what lies beneath those blue eyes of yours, but I hope you realize how important you are to all of us. You are the very core of our family; our trusted advisor; our mentor and leader. You have carved an adventurous path and continue to inspire. And with your recent commitment to writing and blogging, you have left us footprints in the snow; that is for certain. And for that, and you, I am so very grateful.

Happy birthday dad.

High Time for High Tea

She sat across from me, smiling widely, eyes twinkling, and face glowing. It was a tiny tea room in an old Victorian home with a dozen or so tables arranged in various configurations, and we had the back table snuggled in against a window.

It was a belated birthday gift - an afternoon of high tea and conversation with my ninety-six year old grand lady. There is something rather dignified about sipping tea from gleaming fine china and nibbling on dainty crust-less sandwiches and bite sized sweets from a three-tiered trivet. It begs for a leisurely pace, moments to exhale and simply 'be'.

I held her hand across the table as we waited for the tea to steep, no words necessary, content and comfortable in the silence. Doris marvelled at the everything, clearly appreciating every detail and gesture. And even the din from the crowd in the room couldn't dampen our conversation. We chatted about the ordinary as well as the extraordinary. We talked about how the world has changed since her childhood, and how it feels to be living the last years. We exchanged fears and favourite memories, and agreed that loss of memory is not just frustrating, it is a huge loss in so many ways. Part of us is lost with every forgotten memory... each a tiny death.

Just when we thought we couldn't devour another crumb, the servers surrounded Doris, presented her with a mini caramel cheese cake and sang happy birthday. This humble Maritimer blushed at the fuss but was clearly moved, and when they urged her to make a wish before blowing out the candle, she paused, closed her eyes and then declared "my wish would be to come back again!"

And really, isn't that what we all want - leisurely time with the ones we love? Don't worry Doris, we'll do it again.

PS - This post marks a milestone for this blog --1000 posts. How appropriate it be about a special person who is also all about milestones!

Eat, Screech, Prey

We've been at the cottage for almost two weeks straight now - our longest stretch ever. We spent the first week working remotely from the cottage, and although we had our usual worries and workload that comes with our jobs, somehow waking to the glaring sunshine that floods the cottage in early morn, and the sounds of the forest put an idyllic trim to it all.

The second week was the official start to our vacation which of course was ushered in by cooler than normal temperatures (where the heck did I file my longjohns?), grey overcast skies, and a healthy share of rainfall. Of course neither of us brought enough warm clothes to wear so we're starting to become one with the forest... or at least smell like it!

Last year Hubby's mom gave him an "experiential" birthday gift (well, for both of us actually) -- a visit to a falconry to learn more about our feathered friends with whom we share our cottage grounds. So today we took our adventure to the Muskoka Birds of Prey, just an hour and a bit from our cottage. The minute we pulled into the place, we were greeted by a flock? of turkeys, a couple of red hens and the chanting and screeching of a chorus of birds. Birds abounded! Cages of various varieties of quail,  better known as "dinner" to this crowd, lined the property, and out back behind the house was a veritable village of aviaries and various shelters and perches full of birds.

As our instructor Laurie explained, "it's a lifestyle". She and her partner hatch and raise birds of prey - which means that at some point or another, they share their home with them. Baby eagle owls wander around her house with hawks - she calls them "imprints" - to get them used to humans, and to protect them until they are old enough to be moved to an aviary.

Hubby was in his glory, outfitted with his leather glove carrying the falcon around, sending it to its perch and then coaxing it back again with a dearly deceased baby chick laid out on his glove. We learned alot and had a unique opportunity to interact with owls, falcons and hawks, as well as see an interesting lifestyle up close and personal. I thought I would share a few pictures from our day -- although they aren't the greatest. I took them discreetly with my point and shoot as I didn't want the instructor to think I was merely out for a photo op and not focused on the experience . So enjoy, and excuse me while I clear a few feathers from my throat...

Fast Forward

Frigid temperatures finally gave way to Spring, coaxing trees and perennials out of hibernation. Days tumbled into weeks since my last post - the busy-ness of life, shifts and changes all compressed into a sliver of time. My parents divested themselves from their life in Florida and came home. Our grand lady Doris got sprung from her retirement residence and is happily back living with her only daughter. We celebrated my sister's 50th birthday in true famjam fashion. We welcomed the nineteen year old daughter of my west coast cousin for a visit and played tourist with  her. AND I have a brand new niece AND an ecstatic MIH!

Where to start... I've been on overdrive with reflections and emotions rolling around my head and heart. I will share the best way I now how... in pictures.