Reconnection

Reconnection. That is the word for the "now". International Women's Day has me reflecting on the many women who provided the texture and substance for my life. My mother and grandmothers from whose hardship, breast and bone I was borne.  Their resilience, strength and resolve that I can only pray is packed into my DNA.

My father used to tell me that I didn't need alot of friends; I needed a few good friends. And he was right. And over my lifetime I had had the privilege of having deep friendships - from school, college, and my workplaces. Some have come and gone, fulfilling their reason and season but I have a small group of friends that have been a constant, doing life with me.

A few weeks ago I had the urge to look up someone who had been very special to me and who I hadn't spoken to in over twenty years. The reasons are a little complicated but in a nutshell, our lives took us in very different directions. I had tried  to find her ten years ago to no avail. But my recent efforts paid off. She popped up on Facebook and I direct messaged her. I was nervous, wondering if she would want to reach out. Within days I received a pleasant reply. She was interested in catching up and promised to call me when she gets back into the country. It filled my heart and I was happy that I had listened to, and acted on my intuition.

Tonight I caught up with my forever friend Jilly and we covered the gamut of topics - Trump, Dems, Co-Vid 19, parents, kids, community, LGBTQ2, Pride, plans --- you get the picture. It was the kind of conversation one has if you lived next door, and she anywhere but. We share a universal connection not based on frequency or intensity. It just is - as sure as life itself. And after I speak with her I feel content and grateful. She is a changemaker and she is my hero.

I wrapped up my weekend with texts with my soul sisters to make plans to spend time together. We're trying to make our visits more frequent this year and it is a struggle but our commitment extends over 25 years now... longer than any of my marriages!

Reconnection is food for my soul, and tonight, this soul is full to overflowing.

Christmas Connections.

Wine glass is drained. Presents are finally wrapped and feet are up for a pause before bedtime.

The best of the pre-Christmas preps are the phone calls to reconnect. Sleepy voices answer and then perk up when they hear my cheery  "Merry Christmas". The calls are overdue - I've been remiss with many of my relationships. And as I dial, guilt almost derails the calls, but I push my embarrassment aside to make the connection. If not now - then when.

And then relief when the callers express happy surprise at hearing my voice; we pick up where we left off. The hesitation was for naught.

So as I sit here in the warmth of my cosy home, I must remember that around the world tonight, there are millions who are homeless, cold, and hungry - millions who are orphaned  or alone.

In hours I will be cocooned in the love of my very large, affectionate family, enjoying all the best that Christmas has to offer. For so many others this holiday season will offer no joy - just continued misery.

They will be top of mind and not forgotten. And my heart will be filled with gratitude for the family I am blessed with and the life I am privileged to live. I will not take any of it for granted.

Truth be Told

This is what I know to be true...

Optimism is like a burning ember that just won't die; and if fanned, can ignite into possibility.

Life is unfolding as it should; the detours and bumpy roads are necessary to teach us most what we need to learn.

At the end of the day; in my final days, it will be the connections I have made and the relationships I have nurtured that will matter; that will be my legacy.

Authentic friendships can cocoon you in unconditional love and unyielding support, without the need of an ask, when you need it most.

We teach people how to treat us.

The most important rule to live by is "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you".

That which I treasure most, and is a rare commodity, is time with my family, especially with my three precious treasures.

A house, regardless how beautiful or majestic, is simply wood and stone until it is welcoming, and love and laughter permeates the walls, and memories are made.

This I know to be true...

That this physical, earthly life I am living is my theatre to play out that which I must in order to experience, learn, be tested and evolve to my highest, best possible version of myself.

This I know to be true...

I have so much to learn.

On Track

My entry card at the Y still worked but my body had to be convinced to participate. But after a few minutes of exercise, it got easier and I felt so much better. Not sure if it was an optical illusion, but my abs looked tighter -- even though I didn't do any ab work. definitely an optical illusion. Miles to go before I sleep...

I am so close to finishing my Dad's book for him, I can almost smell it. It's been a project half a year in the making and I am anxious to see it through to him holding its soft cover in his hands. He attacks each of his numerous projects with a zeal unmatched by anyone I know. I have catch-up to do in that department. He's a growing concern and tough to keep up with.

Harmony called last night and we talked for almost an hour catching up. While I was on the phone with her, Kidlet called, and a few minutes later, my dad. True to my word, I didn't bump Harmony for the others - I hate when people do it me. Got caught up with Kidlet on my way home from work today (yes, hands free), and then tonight as I spoke to my dad explaining that I had to cut our call short if he wanted me to work on his book, I received two more incoming calls. I can't resist the urge to talk to my family no matter how much stuff is piled up (point to dining room table still stacked with Christmas ornaments). Connecting is important and my lifeline to my loved ones. It's all about priorities, but for the next little bit, I think the book has to be king or (close your eyes Dad)  it will be the never-ending project. No worries; I won't let that happen. But for now, I am off to bed! Priorities people!

High Time for High Tea

She sat across from me, smiling widely, eyes twinkling, and face glowing. It was a tiny tea room in an old Victorian home with a dozen or so tables arranged in various configurations, and we had the back table snuggled in against a window.

It was a belated birthday gift - an afternoon of high tea and conversation with my ninety-six year old grand lady. There is something rather dignified about sipping tea from gleaming fine china and nibbling on dainty crust-less sandwiches and bite sized sweets from a three-tiered trivet. It begs for a leisurely pace, moments to exhale and simply 'be'.

I held her hand across the table as we waited for the tea to steep, no words necessary, content and comfortable in the silence. Doris marvelled at the everything, clearly appreciating every detail and gesture. And even the din from the crowd in the room couldn't dampen our conversation. We chatted about the ordinary as well as the extraordinary. We talked about how the world has changed since her childhood, and how it feels to be living the last years. We exchanged fears and favourite memories, and agreed that loss of memory is not just frustrating, it is a huge loss in so many ways. Part of us is lost with every forgotten memory... each a tiny death.

Just when we thought we couldn't devour another crumb, the servers surrounded Doris, presented her with a mini caramel cheese cake and sang happy birthday. This humble Maritimer blushed at the fuss but was clearly moved, and when they urged her to make a wish before blowing out the candle, she paused, closed her eyes and then declared "my wish would be to come back again!"

And really, isn't that what we all want - leisurely time with the ones we love? Don't worry Doris, we'll do it again.

PS - This post marks a milestone for this blog --1000 posts. How appropriate it be about a special person who is also all about milestones!

Weekly Roundup

Time to breathe.

In the past week I've been to the East Coast and back; met a heroine of mine; got and fought the flu; held the hand of a surviving grand lady; wrapped my arms around the neck of another who is thriving; celebrated the birthday of my daughter; wished my "ex" a happy one too; offered a little TLC to my ailing hubby; and walked with my sister and Fritz through the forest, in the fresh autumn air. I made long and short distance connections with my daughters and parents - and ended my Sunday with spaghetti and meatballs.

I love my life! My heart lightens with every conversation, call, and connection. And really, isn't that what life is all about -- human connection. I am fortunate in that I live immersed in and surrounded by loving souls. I have lots of people to check in with and my phone rings often. What a sweet sound - love calling (except for those guys trying to sell me windows and doors). 

I got a chance to meet Barbara Coloroso in Halifax last week. She wrote a book, "Kids are Worth It", more than twenty years ago that saved my parenting @ss.  Kidlet got the full benefit of the wisdom I garnered from the book but it was a lifesaver for me. Ms Coloroso was speaking at the conference and I was able to tell her how much she meant to me and my family. This tiny, feisty lady packs a punch that belies her diminutive stature. "If I had known how much fun being a grand parent would be, I would've skipped parenting!" Yup - she's funny too. 

And the bonus, icing on the cake, was to wake up and, only after I finished my morning coffee, discover I had forgotten to turn my clock back; an hour in my pocket.

So after a long, full day I will go to bed with visions of elections dancing in my head. Life is good, and for that I am truly grateful.

In Touch

Apres dinner recaps in our open air dining on the Mara, Kenya

It's been more than a year and a half since Kidlet and I took our trip to Kenya. But I knew then that the life-altering experience was one that would keep on giving - and it has - in so many ways. The bonds formed with trip mates from sharing wonderment and awe over dinners eaten under the Kenyan night have remained. We were from far and near -- Phoenix, Ohio, and Toronto. And since our adventure, our lives have taken the usual twists and turns, and changes. Through it all, with the use of technology, we stayed in touch.

I got an email from Megz, my Phoenix friend, bubbling with news of her next trip to the Mara and her philanthropic capers. She added news of the upcoming wedding of her daughter and her hopes to be a grandmother one day. I could picture her with her youthful demeanor sitting casually draped across from me, eyes wide-eyed and twinkling with excitement as she filled us all in. Lisa is expecting her first baby; Laura is working on her Masters degree; and Denise is always off on voluntours with one or more of her enlightened kids.

Our ages span a gap of almost twenty years yet we found a kinship, a sisterhood in one another. And even though geography and time divide us, there is a comfort in this easy circle of affection and caring we have formed.

I "replied to all" and gave them the scoop on Kidlet and I and added my direct questions for each. Now all I have to do is wait - and the responses will come tumbling in. Insta-joy! I believe we will meet again soon, and once again sitting lazily around the dinner table, laughing, debating and discussing the woes of the world and how we may play a part in the change.

Life is a generous hostess, serving up rich and lasting mementos of my experiences and adventures.  My heart is full to overflowing and my relationships meaningful and many. And for that, I am profoundly grateful.

Contentment

There is nothing more life-affirming that being swaddled in love by people who "get you". I am surrounded - and am therefore content. What better gift can there possibly be?

And We're Off!

I am out of the gate and running; 2012 is officially off to a very promising start. New Year's Eve was a family event of course with both sets of parents coming over for meat dinner. Doris and daughter rounded out our table of eight - it felt like a big fat present! I can never get enough of family time.

I expected to spend the first day of the new year in quiet reflection and contemplation. The universe had other ideas, with a day of random, unplanned visits and connections.

It was a carry-over from yesterday's numerous phone calls to catch up with loved ones.  My friend Shirley called to announce she was a new grandmother and we shared a moment reveling in this exciting new chapter of her life. Her grandson was the first baby born in his community and is getting all the goodies and attention that goes with it.

Then Jilly called to ask if she could swing by for a visit. I could feel the effort she was making to the promise we made to to spend more time together. We sat at opposite ends of the couch, Fritz flopped in her lap, catching up, laughing, enjoying the ease of our friendship. Another blessing!

The day rounded out with a call from my far away Cuz. Far away Cuz is a special gift ... although we are first cousins, we never met one another until just a few years ago. How wonderful to discover a kindred spirit who is just months older than me, who named her daughter the same as Kidlet, and who shares a similar philosophy to life! We definitely feel the family connection and have lots to chat about. After about three and a half hours had passed and we were saying our goodbyes, the reality of the phone bill she will get sunk in. Yikes! We agreed that when life is bristly and the day a little difficult, the best way to pull yourself up is to make a gratitude list. So Cuz, today, on this very sparkly, shining first day of 2012, I   am grateful for your far-away kinship and for having you in my life. I am also grateful for more loving hearts than I have chairs at my table; the abundance in my life; and for this blog through which I tell myself that which I most need to learn whispering into my own ear ...

If I had to pick one word to sum up 2011 for me, it would be giving. This year I will try to make it be connections. The year has definitely started off on the right foot. Happy new year everyone.

Box of Chocolates

In the simple, wise words of Forrest Gump, "life is like a box of chocolates" - full of delicious surprises and goodness. This weekend was just like that - an assorted collection of delectables.

Spent most of Friday in Princess Margaret Hospital with a loved one as she received world class attention and breast cancer diagnostic care -- at no additional cost (shameless plug for universal health care). I teased her that first they would have to locate her boobs before they could diagnose them. I know -- sick, dark humour I shared with my mom, developed during the years of her illness. Funny enough, my loved one and I had fun together; we laughed at the impracticality of the hospital gown, the penned directions the doctors sketched on her breasts, the variety of footwear of the other ladies; and joked about the prison-like "bling" of the plastic, yellow bracelet. In short, we made the best of our time together.

Contrast that with a return trip to the city that night to see the Carole King / James Taylor Troubadour Tour concert. I had been waiting for this night since hubby gave me the tickets a few months back for my birthday. It did not disappoint. The audience pretty much knew every song and I was careful to curb my enthusiasm and urge to sing along -- except when James Taylor sang "You've got a friend". No one could hold back and the arena vibrated with the hauntingly beautiful chorus of the audience singing his words back at him.

I got hooked on their music as teen in the seventies. While my friends were embracing rock music - Styx, Meatloaf, Queen, Boston, Peter Frampton and other bands, I was rolling along in my own little singer-songwriter folk rut. I knew the music from my uncle who sang at every family get together. He could pull the perfect song from his inventory for every occasion. He  would say, "I've got a tune for you Lyn ..." and then with a twinkle in his eye, he would launch into Put another log on the fire, or lead the kids sitting wide-eyed at his feet in a rowdy rendition of Fox on the Run. Six part harmony with me singing dutifully "off key". Then we would wrap up our famjams with a sentimental sing song of Back Home Again.

The harmonies of many of the people who used to lend their voices to those sing alongs have been forever silenced, but the warmth and good feelings of those memories that fill my heart have stayed with me. Music has the power to do that ... stir up memories and feelings that we have linked to the period of time or events in our life to the songs.

Friday's concert was a trip down memory lane and left a perma-smile on my face. With hubby alongside I created another entry in the old memory book.

All this happiness and still the weekend had one more in store. Hubby and I had our dream of a peaceful retreat realized. I had a good feeling about it and for good reason. We aligned our vision and the stars aligned right along with us and voila! We have a quaint little cottage a few hours away with nothing but peace and potential in store (and maybe a little mortgage).

I never cease to be amazed at the wondrous possibilities that life has to offer. The tasty little tidbits mixed alongside with the bitter ones - but alot more good ones than bad. And it all starts with desire. Yup - life is like a mixed box of chocolates. Taste one - and if you don't like it, sneak it back and choose another!

Me being happy.

Good News -- There Has to Be Some

I watched the news tonight -- a barrage of stories on murder, missing women and children, an arrested teacher, bus explosion, celebrity infidelities, gloom about the war and the anniversary of Bhopol disaster in which more than 8,000 workers perished. The entire 30 minute report didn't contain a single positive story.

What - nothing fantastical happened in the world today? I don't believe that for a moment. Not sure when news had to mean bad news. I think we need a daily dose of the spectacular; we need to hear the stories of the heroes and angels who walk the earth transforming the ugly into beautiful, fixing the broken and healing the sick. We are starving to be inspired and uplifted.

Thankfully social media - just like the blog I am writing - has liberated communications. I can simply turn to my "follow" list and read the insights of my blogger friends, my special community who can share and express their ideas and stories freely. And that, they do. Every day I read something that makes me laugh; that causes me to reflect; and inspires me.

And that is not just good news -- it's great news. Every day.

Linked In

I am "linked in" - just like 45 million other people around the planet. For the benefit of anyone who isn't one of the 45 million, LinkedIn is "a fast-growing professional networking site that allows members to create business contacts, search for jobs, and find potential clients." In other words, Facebook for the grown up / professional.

It is a strange experience ... posting your profile only to receive a myriad of invitations to join people's networks. I invited some of my former colleagues as well as my friends who are on LinkedIn. The power of the Internet never ceases to amaze me. The very first day, I had a request from an account executive I worked with almost 30 years ago when I was the mail girl. I connected with my writing partner from university, with a woman who worked for me 20 years ago, and a list of other people from my work past.

What struck me most was the level of  accomplishment of each and every contact I have  ... impressive titles such as  president, vice president, director, general manager, CFO ... titles that denote success and status. I chuckled at my own - which pales in comparison. I can remember a time when I thought I was a PIP (pretty important person) and wore a nice professional identifier. But that was long ago and I now live a simpler life that is pretty much devoid of any such identifier or title. The woman in the suit no longer exists. In fact it makes me wonder why I even bothered to join a professional network; why I plunged back into a world I donated to Goodwill.

I am proud of the accomplishments of my friends, coworkers, and class mates. It reminds me that life is passing quickly and along the way, we all grew up - and are now growing older. It feels good to renew old connections and catch up with old friends.

So I guess I answered my own question; I am linked in - not left out!

300 and Counting ...

Dear Blog,
This is my 300th post and I thought it only fitting that we celebrate, you and me. When we started out together just over a year ago, I wasn't sure of the commitment I was willing to make to you. I wasn't sure of what I would say, or if what I did have to say would be of interest to anyone else. So, we flirted and dated occasionally, but nothing too serious...

By last November, after much soul searching, I was ready to make a commitment to myself - and to us. I wanted to end my day, reflecting on the gift - the take away - from each day. If there is no take away, then it is a day wasted, and not a single day of life should be wasted. I concluded that there would be some days that my take away may not be terribly interesting to anyone else, but I decided right then and there to commit -- to commit to writing every day, regardless. And I think I have done fairly well. There have been the odd days when it was simply impossible to access my computer or the Internet to get to you, or that I was too ill to write. But on the whole, I made every effort to end my day on a positive, reflective, grateful note and blog about it.

So thank you my dear Blog. You have taught me much about myself and showed me that I have a rich, blessed life that is constant motion and evolution. You have given me friends from all the corners of the planet, and reaffirmed my faith in humankind. You have reminded me of the legacy of strength and love I have inherited, and you have encouraged me to share that with others.

So for now, our bond is a permanent one. A lasting one. Here's to you and me Blog, and another 300 posts.

e-nurture

The world is a little smaller and news travels at the speed of Facebook, Twitter, email, texts and blogs ...

When I recently received the sad news of my uncle's passing, I headed over to my dad's place to tell him in person - and I did it quickly. In these times of lightening speed communications, news is shared instantly and spreads like a pandemic. I didn't want him learning about this from a Facebook status update or something. Remember when instant communications meant a phone call (an expensive one if it was long distance) and the long version was a handwritten letter send through the postal service? (Never mind waiting for the reply). Those days are but a distant memory.

The upside of these technological times is that we have the means to stay in touch at the click of a keyboard, a press of the send button or the upload of a picture. Technology makes it easy and instant. So I guess we have no excuses ... we can reach out to family and friends, share our lives with them whether they live down the street or across the country. And we can do it often.

Let's be real -- sometimes there is nothing like sitting down with a cup of tea for a good visit, or a phone chat to catch up. Email and electronic tools are not a substitute, but in lieu of those personal exchanges, they can keep you connected and involved. We message more frequently - sometimes several times a day -- nice, short messages about day to day stuff that keeps us close.

Sometimes I curse the barrage of electronic communication I receive or the lack of privacy that comes with having that GPS that we call a cell phone with me at all times. [Hi, where are you?] But to be perfectly honest, for me, the benefits far outweigh the downside. I love opening my IN BOX to see a list of unread messages. I get excited when I get an email that tells me that my daughter has posted a video. And I look forward to reading the blogs of my friends and yes -- family! MIH has also joined the blogosphere.

So I guess I am trying to say that technology makes it easy to nurture ... e-nurture! So get busy!

Precious Connections

Just got off the phone with my Pops (in Florida). We spent a good hour catching up on politics (American and Canadian), the economy, the state of the various arms of the family, the weather (hey – we’re Canadian), and just having a good life chat. We do this usually twice a week. And some may wonder what we could possibly find to talk about for so long, and so frequently. I wonder sometimes myself how we do it. But it comes down to making and keeping connections. As we chatted tonight we agreed that most people have a need to know they matter and what they mean to others. Expressing these sentiments to one another can be powerful and life changing, especially for the person hearing them.

I have many people I maintain connections with – mostly because I am fortunate enough to have many who I love, and who in turn love me. Sometimes I spend an entire night on the phone with Pops, my daughters, my aunt or even MIH. It is time well spent. Of course my family are avid techie communicators … we all have Facebook profiles, as well as a family website. We readily share pictures and stories and I daresay that our family “lines” of communication rival CNN for speed, currency and accuracy.

For me, reaching out is an investment in relationships - family and friends. Speaking of connections, I recently made a very special one with a cousin of mine who I have never met. She lives on the other side of the country and yet, through the magic of technology, we are able to share stories, photos and information and get to know one another. This could never have happened 20 years ago … I think she even reads this blog on occasion. My ever-expanding circle of loved ones has become more important to me with each passing year. Each connection is a fragile, strand of precious silk that needs nurturing. Without our connections to loved ones, and sharing the human experience – what else is there?

TeleLifeLine

Last night I had one of those evenings spent entirely on the phone; some of the calls I made; others came to me. The longest call was from an aunt of mine who does not have family close by. She often tells me how fortunate I am to have my parents, siblings and my girls all living in my neighbourhood - or at least in close proximity. I know she would give anything to have that.

I must confess that there are times when I pick up the phone somewhat begrudgingly ... you know the excuses ... I'm tired; I don't feel social; I don't want to give up my whole night. But once I hear her voice on the other end, and we start to chatter I hear her voice get stronger and her laughter more hearty and free, and I feel ashamed myself. She appreciates every gesture of kindness and even the smallest activities that we take for granted -- getting a coffee at Tim Horton's, buying nicnacs at Walmart, or makeup at the drugstore -- give her such delight. It takes so little to uplift her and make her happy. An hour on the phone -- sinfully easy for me to give -- begets a big happy dividend for her. And as it turns out -- for me too.

These chats I have with people create connections - delicate threads weaving together stories, memories, and relationships into the intricate tapestry that is my life. The richer and more frequent the connections, so is my life enriched.

As usual. when we do something kind, we get back so much more than we give. Then I am reminded how fortunate I truly am. Now I just have to keep that in mind the next time the phone rings...