No Straight Lines Make Up My Life

I have been taking more time for reflection and meditation, thoroughly enjoying what comes to me when I still my mind. The montage of life from the past two years plays out before me in vivid colour like a trailer of greatest highlights...and the emotion of every scene washes over me.

Life is like that. We expect it to be linear, one event, one crisis at a time to face and overcome, contained in its own space and time. In reality, life comes at us all at once, from all directions. We can be celebrating a birth at the exact same time as comforting a sick family member or mourning a death of a loved one. Weddings, funerals, graduations, retirements, birthdays, babies, divorces, challenges and achievements. One cannot be shelved in favour of another. Each demands its own face time and our attention; to be acknowledged. Each demands that we be in it, feeling what needs to experienced, doing what needs to be done, and sharing and loving with our whole hearts as we go. Life is like that; rich; deeply textured; and simply fantastical.

I am learning that the source of my joy and life's purpose is living mindfully, connected, immersed in love, with gratitude for the opportunities to experience my full range of emotions and evolve with each one.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. ~ Leo Buscaglia

Going Nowhere Fast

The large red numbers on the clock radio signaled 5:20 - my usual wake up time. My eyes pop open ahead of the alarm whether it's a weekday or the weekend. But today was my day off.

The neat stack of "reads" on my nightstand, "unopened" Christmas gifts, beckoned. A day off and a full to do list ahead me -- and I chose a time out. It felt strangely indulgent but necessary.

I grabbed the stack and burrowed into the comfy couch with my hot mug of tea and fleece throw. I burned through We Should All Be Feminists, a short 64-page book by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie based on her TED talk. It made a compelling argument for feminism but I was disappointed by the "girlie girl" references that she used to describe herself - a woman who enjoys lipstick and wearing high heels (for herself - not men). Why do we feel the need to characterize these things as girlie?? Isn't girlie just things that girls do?

Next up - The Art of Stillness: Adventures in Going Nowhere by Pico Iyer. I was pulled in deeper with every page. I must have needed the message this book was delivering. In a nutshell, he expounds on the value of unplugging and connecting with the world around him, with no agenda or goal other than just "being".

Like the author, I have travelled the world, albeit not near as extensively as he. And as I have grown older, I have come to realize the peace and clarity that can come from simply being fully present and still. I find myself taking the same photos over and over - the same landscape with different dressing, finding subtle changes in hue and shadow,  new cloaks and colours. And maybe it's a perfect metaphor for life and perspective. And like magic, it was exactly the message I needed at that exact moment in time. My body relaxed, my creativity was released and I felt prepared for my day. I read this book in one sitting - probably too quickly - however I know that I will reread this over and over to fully devour every thought and concept.

After my indulgent time out, I bounced off the couch onto the treadmill and enjoyed a long, productive day off. I've denied myself time for reading for too long, which is silly because I know that reading has always been a source of relaxation and inspiration.

Today I was reminded that often the journey inwards can be more satisfying than going anywhere else. And it's alot cheaper! 

Summoning My Inner Domestic Goddess

It's been a while since my last post; I just haven't been in the groove lately. I can't decide if I have been just tired, or uninspired. But there's nothing to kick start the creative juices like an afternoon puttering around doing household chores and hanging in the kitchen chopping, mixing, stirring and making delicious food.

A few weeks ago I started on a laundry room make over to go along with our new appliances. I painted, hubby put a new floor in, we refinished a re-purposed cabinet and reworked the closet space. We still have to deal with the grungy, paint splattered laundry sink and add storage and a counter top but with the changes we've already made, the room has already taken on a fresh feeling. Laundry is a pleasure!

After a trip to the grocery store I came home and called on my inner domestic goddess. The split pea soup I was making for my daughter was a first for me. From the first moment I pulled out the fresh cilantro and assembled the fresh vegetables for the soup I could feel my mood lighten. Therapeutic scrubbing and chopping and culinary aromatherapy was just what the day ordered. I substituted peal meal bacon for the ham called for in the recipe, and I forgot to remove it from the pot before I pureed the soup. The idea is to partially puree the soup and then add the meat back in for body. The result is tasty but looks more like "cream" split pea soup. Oh well ... I can't muster even a shred of disappointment. 

I still get a faint wisp of cilantro every time my hair moves and the residue of onion and garlic remains on my hands despite the numerous hand washings ... souvenirs of my earthy day in the kitchen. It was good to see my inner domestic goddess again. It's been a while. 

It's been a good day; a peaceful one. I am ready and eager to face my week head on. And for that, I am truly grateful. Is that my washer chiming?

Wordless Wednesday - Awakening

Dawn

While the world still lay in slumber deep with only harmonious chirps and whistles from our feathered friends providing the soundtrack, I pick up my trusty Canon and set out to greet the day head on down to the lake.

Those first breaths of air in early morn somehow seem fresher; unspoiled.

The lake is a mirror; a majestic reflection of the beauty and stillness. Awesome in duplicate. I sit on the rock, just to be; to inhale deeply the reverence of the morn. I am momentarily hypnotized by a dragonfly who lightly skims the glassy surface, creating delicate ripples. My senses are heightened and I view the world in technicolour.

Everything is beautiful. It is that simple. Beauty reveals itself when you look long and carefully enough.

Dawn has won me over, my favourite time of the day.

Still

It was still - a momentary lapse with no disturbance - absolute quiet.
The sun hadn't risen yet as I made my way to car this morning.
Tiny snowflakes were shimmering silently in the dark.
I paused, inhaled deeply and savoured the moment.
For if this is the only moment of
utter peace that I have all day -
I will be grateful for this single,
reverent, reprieve from
everything.

For one single
moment in time
there was only
cool air filling my lungs,
hushed city hum,
diamond droplets falling from the sky -
and me.

E x h a l e

No thought, no action, no movement, total stillness: only thus can one manifest the true nature and law of things from within and unconsciously, and at last become one with heaven and earth.

- Lao Tzu

Morning Glory

I'm up with the morning glories ... open and ready to greet the day, and any treasures it may hold. Early morning is a special time. The house is still and the open windows allow the breezes in - the only sounds come from the ticking of my laptop and the songfest from the feathered friends outside the window.

But the world is slowly waking up -- coming to life. The banging of heavy equipment from the work being done down the street has started and the distant hum of the highway is background noise that gets stronger as it gets busier.

This is a precious slice of time to be fully aware, in the moment, enjoying the most simplest of pleasures -- peace and a freshly brewed cup of coffee. This is a time to collect, reflect and ponder the possibilities of the day.

There will be time enough for busy-ness, activities and chores .. but for now, at this exact moment in time there is but one task at hand -- revelling in the quiet - the morning - the best part of the day.

Fill Up My Senses

Sleepy, lazy morning - with the sun bursting through and flooding our kitchen with golden light. Finally - the most perfect of summer days. Double perfect - it is Sunday morning. I can't wait to bask in the day so I grab my coffee that hubby made me (he's adorable), slip my feet into his oversized running shoes and head outside to inspect the beauty and progress of our gardens.

The pond is alive and vibrant. The sage is bathed in purple blooms and the peonies have erupted into a fuchsia collage. I lean back in my chair, eyes closed, and breathe deeply. The sun warms my face. With every breath I take my senses are filled ... hey, just like the John Denver song ... you fill up my senses ... but I digress! I hear a bee buzzing close by. The little boy across the street is squealing as he plays with his brother. I can hear the dog across the ravine barking. A plane roars overhead - and I integrate the drone into the medley serenading me as I revel in the peace.

Sunday is one of my most favourite days, and morning - my favourite time of day. I am grateful for the moments to pause and if even for only a minute or two, fill my senses with all that surrounds me.

Now turn up the music will you ... it's my favourite John Denver tune.

Toiling in the Soil

What is it about spending a day on my knees, trowel in gloved hand, digging, mixing and packing moist soil - that brings such peace? The escape and relaxation from gardening is not unlike that which I get from reading a good book. The placement of each fragrant bloom releases a tiny burst of joy that mounts until the planting pot is complete - full to overflowing with colour and perfume. The work of art unveiled.

Today, the sun high in the sky and breezes gentle, was the perfect gardening day. Our salt water pool was crystal clear and beckoned. But to no avail. Hubby and I worked to fill each and every pot, container and empty space with the flowers and herbs we had selected. Once we finished, I sat in the breezy, tranquil gazebo and surveyed the results of our efforts. A large bumble bee (resembling more of a hummingbird than a bee) hovered leisurely above the snapdragon. I inhaled deeply ...

P e a c e.

Maybe working with plants, flowers and soil reminds us of the greater life force to which we belong; of the innate beauty of nature; and above all, is a gentle reminder to look inward for peace and tranquility - that it is found in the small and the quiet -- and not in the grandiose.

Toiling in the soil - just for fun!

Momentary Vacation

Groundhog day. Wow. Can I really get excited about whether a groundhog predicts 6 more weeks of winter or not? We all know that we are in for 8 more weeks of the cold and snowy stuff - at the very least. I find my thoughts drifting ... transporting me to a tropical isle of pristine sand, sun and sea. I swear I can taste the salty, ocean breezes. If I didn't know better I'd go as far to say my hair is swelling from the humidity. And then there is that sudden craving for pineapple - and the drinks that are served in them with a nice long straw. Ahhh ... the feel of silky sand between my toes and tiny beads of sweat rolling down my skin. The sun is strong and hot; good thing my lounge is underneath the shade of a leafy palm. Almost time for a plunge in turquoise waters.

The phone is ringing and the dog is barking. Reality beckons. I am home from my momentary vacation. But you know what? I am breathing a little slower and a little deeper. I am content, peaceful, and rested. And I swear a little sun kissed!

Gafuffled, Bemuddled Kind of Day

I am tired tonight - and I was all day long. It was the kind of day that by 11 am I was looking for toothpicks to prop my eyelids open and visions of PJs danced in my head! Maybe it was Obama hangover, or maybe I am just emotionally spent.

It was a strange, befuddled, mucky day. Dropped threads, bent truths, emotions that ran the gamut, and odd encounters. Some days are just like that. After the euphoria of last night, the offbeat unravelling of the day was anti climatic. Call me Canadian - but I can't help feeling that our bitter cold winters played out mainly in the dim and darkness take their toll on our psyche and overall well being. I joked with our VP today when he asked how everything was going ... told him that it wasn't anything that a Caribbean vacation couldn't fix. I actually wasn't joking.

Now in these final moments before I turn in for the night, I sit by the warm fire, Fritz the schnauzer cuddled in beside me on the couch and kidlet chillin' on the other sofa and I feel peace settling in. We need this odd days to fully appreciate the better ones. Just like we need the frigids of winter to appreciate the sunshine of summers.

Life is good. I have people who love me and people to love. I have a dog, husband and kidlet to cuddle (actually she isn't as cuddly as she used to be). I have a community - a sisterhood - at work and a job about which I am passionate.
I have purpose.
I have alot.

And now that I have counted my blessings, and let the gratitude seep into my very being I am ready for rest. Thank you for yet another day - mucky and yucky, peaceful and serene.

Loose Threads

The house is eerily quiet. My sister and her family left for home at the crack of dawn. Kidlet is at driving school. Eldest daughter has already checked in ... I have had a decadent day so far. I stayed in bed this morning to finish watching The Jane Austen Book Club. With the wind howling and rattling the house and the dog cuddled close - it couldn't have been more perfect. Only my caffeine craving drove me downstairs in search of coffee.

I moved my lazy behind - coffee in hand - to the family room and catch a retrospect of famous people who passed in 2008. Artists, scientists, actors, musicians and pioneers. Famous people who left the world a better place. It made me think of all of the not-famous people who also make the world a better place just for being in it.

Today is my MIH's (mom-in-heart) birthday. I refer to her as MIH as she is far too special to be called "in-law", a term that implies a mandated relationship. Ours has grown far past that ... and we have found we share a deep belief that we can choose our response to the events and circumstances in our life. For Christmas I gave her the Randy Pausch book, The Last Lecture. She is not a huge reader but I know that she will enjoy his perspective on living life fully - a philosophy she lives every day. She has been grappling with issues from her childhood and has important decisions to make regarding her birth family. This year could be pivotal --and she will choose.

My Dad and StepMom head back to Florida tomorrow. This will truly mark the end of the holiday season for me. I am proud that I have spent every Christmas Day- since birth - with my parents. They embody Christmas for me. What is it about Christmas that triggers the memory reel to roll? This is truly a time for reflection and gratitude. My memory reel is rich with colour, relatives, hugs, love -- more than most have in a lifetime. For my childhood, I am supremely grateful. For the life I have built today - I am content and blessed.

The house is eerily quiet -- and peaceful. And for that - I am grateful.