Boomerang

I always felt that I would return to Moshi but I didn't expect it to be so soon.

Yup - we're heading back to Tanzania. In just a few days Jill and I will once again be shrouded in the hot humid air of Moshi with the taste of burnt dust on our lips. And our hearts will open wide. Tanzania is like that; it opens its arms and cradles you; invites and welcomes you; changes you.

I struggled with my motive to return. I wasn't so naive to think that I was really needed, that life in Moshi wouldn't go on without me. I considered how better spent my airfare could be - the impact of $1200 on the tiny informal organization of Good Hope; the good it could do. I even thought how exciting it would be to use that money to bring someone from Good Hope here to Canada.

Jill announced she was going back to reconnect with her mamas at the women's empowerment group of Mkombozi. She didn't want too much time to pass without contact. We talked it over; debated the reasons to go, and not go. And in the end we couldn't resist.

 Good Hope doesn't need me. But I need Good Hope. I'm going back for a heart-full.

Good Intentions

Yesterday I posted my intentions: share, love, express, give.

Today I came home to find a $100 cheque in the mail... I'd won a small prize in the home lottery. More luck and abundance; it just keeps coming - the toonie I found in my coat pocket this morning, the 20% discount coupon a complete stranger handed me in the busy store lineup, and then today's mail.

Now I just have to figure out how to share it.

For that, I am truly grateful.

Care Package

We've all got the call -- someone near and dear to us desperately needs our help. It often comes without warning and it is rarely convenient. That's why they call it help. I can remember as a younger version of myself I thrived on being needed; being the one people turned to for advice, guidance and support. I needed to be needed. But if memory serves me correctly, I think I harbored a secret sense of martyrdom. Oh, I was sincere enough in my concern and assistance - but I was also somewhat self centered about it all. There was ego involved.

As I matured and had my metal tested, I grew to find the gifts in giving of myself. My mother became very ill and  lived with us as she waited for a lung transplant. The program was grueling, requiring her and her caregiver (me) to go into the city four days a week for a series of exercises, appointments and preparatory therapies. When we first started this journey I felt pretty darn proud of myself - bloated with self importance to be giving so much of myself to the cause.

But as the days passed and my devotion, stamina and patience were tested, I started to see the situation for the hot bed of opportunity that it was. I shared hours of dedicated talk time with my beloved Mom as we drove the 2 hour round trip and spent hours in countless medical waiting rooms. I was privy to her thoughts and private anxieties, as well as the benefactor of her theories, perspectives and philosophies on the mind-body-spirit connection, self actualization, how to pray and how to be the highest form of expression of one's self. She once told me, "This is important for you too Lyn. You are going to grow from this experience. You'll see." She knew what she was talking about.

I shifted my thinking from how this was impacting MY life, to this IS my life. Ever-changing schedules taught me to let go of that over which I had no control. Hours of waiting - for doctors, procedures, appointments - taught me patience. Witnessing her stoic, positive demeanor in the face of impending death inspired me to be grateful for my own health and the life I had created. Her appreciation for every breath of life taught me to cherish life that much more. Her attitude that there is always someone worse off than ourselves motivated me to want to be a better person. And in the end, she showed us that there are things worse than dying.

Needless to say I learned that it is an honour and a privilege to care for the ones we love; to give back a small fraction of the love and kindness that has been shown to me. And if we do it with our eyes and heart wide open, we can expect to forever changed, and blessed -- the ultimate care package.

Dedicated to MIH who always gives more than she gets.

Random Encounters With the Spirit of Christmas

He appeared out of nowhere, suddenly there, yanking me out my daydream.

“Hey lady. I’m hungry.” His voice was hoarse and slurry and he struggled to pronounce his r’s. “Do you have some change for my brother and me? We haven’t eaten in two days”.

Caught off guard, my mind whirled into overdrive trying to process …

“No one will give us any money.” He stood in front of me, dressed in his well loved ski jacket and toque, shifting from foot to foot, obviously anxious as well as cold.

“Why do you think that is?” I mumbled and fumbled with my scarf trying to buy myself some time as I decided what I was going to do.

“Cause it’s Christmas lady! No one wants to part with their money.”

Ironic.

“I will give you all the change I have,” I said as I opened my wallet. I can already hear the collective gasps of protest from the side that says this only perpetuates the problem. I had $4.57 in coins which I immediately handed over to him. He counted it out and then looked up at me and smiled. “Thank you Mam. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you too.”

Would he buy food or drink the money? Frankly I didn’t care. I don’t want to be blind or pretend I don’t see them on the sidewalk. Them - the homeless, the disenfranchised, the ones who talk to themselves as they push their carts along the road; the ones who wander aimlessly, detached and alone; the ones from which we avert our gazes. I don’t walk to step around or over them. I want to see everyone. And darn it all, if I have a pocketful of change to share, I am going to share it. And I am going to start sharing more than that … I think he may have given me something far greater than the change in my pocket. This  quote from Mother Teresa is my inspiration.

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money.
Money is not enough, money can be got,
but they need your hearts to love them.
So, spread your love everywhere you go.

The Soul-journ Continues

Photo from Free the Children http://www.freethechildren.com/

There they were on YouTube -- two young, dark skinned men dressed in brilliant red -- well -- dresses, draped in sparkles and beads with wide shining grins that poured over their faces, pushing their luggage carts. Wilson and Jackson, the Maasai warriors from our trip had landed in Toronto. An awaiting crowd burst into the "Jambo" song with which they had welcomed us to Bogani. Wilson immediately abandoned his cart and joined in, bellowing out the song, waving his arms, moving to the a capella chorus. Jackson joined in a little more shyly and the picture was complete. They had brought the unbridled, open hearted warmth and love from Kenya. What an import!

This trip to Kenya that Kidlet and I took this summer was offered by Free the Children as an opportunity to learn about and experience the life of Kenyans living out on the Marra. It was here we had our hearts touched by people with joyous, determined spirits, musical voices and wide smiles. I left a piece of myself there for safe keeping and now ... I get to experience all over again - for a brief moment in time.

I can't wait to reunite with some of our group as well as the faciliators and warriors from our summer sojourn at We Day, September 30th. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas. Megan is flying in from Phoenix and it keeps getting better and better. We will once again share a life changing experience. I am prepared to be inspired, rekindled and rejuvenated and to reciprocate the hospitality and love to our visitors.

Like I said - the soul-journ continues.

Warch a sample of their tv appearance to promote peace. (CTV)

Motherhood Gifts

You taught me things about myself I had never known. You introduced me to love that was absolute, unconditional and infinite.

You held the strings to my heart; when I first laid eyes on you, my thought was you could really hurt me.

I learned to give - completely, unhestitantly, willingly - and how to live for someone other than myself.

You are my most important accomplishment and the source of my greatest joys, happiest memories, and hopes for the future.

Motherhood, you  have bestowed upon me the greatest gifts in the world - my three precious treasures. And so on this Mother's Day, I am so very grateful for the privilege of being a mom.

You may be interested in other Mother's Day posts:

Mum's Day
Mother's Day Blessings
Mothers in My Life

Good Read

Kidlet is playing her final provincial championship hockey games this weekend. The weather chimed in to create an appropriate environment by dropping the temp to just 2 degrees Celsius and throwing in some blustery winds for good measure.

Arena time involves lots of pre-game waiting - sitting - drinking hot drinks. I grabbed a book from my "must read" pile as I headed out this morning to help fill the down time. My random reading pick ended up being Give a Little, How our small donations can transform our world, by Wendy Smith - and I can't put it down! It describes the cumulative power of the affordable donations made by everyday citizens and how they can change the world. The author suggests ways to choose charities and non profits that will help your donation dollar have the greatest impact possible. I was happy to see some of my favourite causes and agencies listed.

The book reads somewhat like a textbook with its source citations and charts but I found myself hungrily devouring every page and factoid. I feel as though  I am getting clarity around purpose and giving back. Most of all, I found inspiration between the pages - inspiration to dig deeper; give more consicously. I can feel the winds of growth blowing gently on my neck and my heart quickens at the excitement of it all. Life is good - and if you allow it to be - an incredible journey of self actualization.

Life is not in having and getting,
but in being and becoming.
- Matthew Arnold

Note: Off to bed. We are due at the arena by 6:30 tomorrow morning. Good thing I am a morning person. Now only if Kidlet was ...

Introducing .. My Sudan Sister

Last fall I applied to Women for Women International to sponsor a sister - a survivor  of war. My application coincided with an appearance by WFW founder Zainab Salbi on Oprah. Surprise, surprise - her appearance generated huge interest and created an increased level of sponsorship activity  I can only imagine. They contacted me to let me know that they had a huge backlog of applications and donations but that I would soon be connected with a sister.

Today was that day. I ripped open the large white envelope bearing the now familiar Women For Woman logo, so excited to put a face to the name that had been provided to me. I opened the folder and there was Monica, a twenty-three year old who lives in the Sudan where she cares for seven children. It's difficult to get too much from one picture, but the eyes don't lie. Monica stares back from dull, haunted eyes, with a posture that can't disguise fatigue and despair.

With the sponsorship she will join a circle of 25 women her support network and have a year to take intensive, life changing training that will help her gain control over her life.

The enclosed letter was generous in its gratitude: "You are the reason for this transformation Lynda. Your sister was only able to enter the Women for Women International program because you reached out to her."

Hardly. Monica is reaching out to me and over this year, we will learn alot about one another and I will learn about the struggles women face in the most desperate conditions. I will do this from the security of my home - my safe haven. She may not be so lucky. And I know that once again, I will get back more than I give. Perhaps Monica and I will resurrect hope and both undergo a transformation of the humankind, sister to sister.

Read my other posts about Women for Women International:
Global Family
Women for Women ... a Sisterhood

Tenfold

I am overwhelmed by the generosity and giving hearts of people ...

I made an effort this Christmas to reach out and give wholly and mindfully. However they say that when you give, you get back tenfold. And I have found this to be absolutely true. I have been on the receiving end of such kindness. Over the past few months my friends and family as well as several of my blogger friends (you know who you are) have supported my dream of going to Africa, as well as raising money to build a Kenyan school . I am humbled by their expressions of love and caring. Thank you ...

I am overwhelmed by the generosity and giving hearts of people ...

And for this, I am eternally grateful.

Gifts That Give Us All More

How did this happen? It’s November 20th already! I promised myself that all of my Christmas shopping would be done by the end of November so that I would be free and clear to really enjoy the festivities – famjams, visits, dinners – that I love so much.

As optimistic that I usually am, I’m not sure I’m gonna make it this year. I haven’t even started. I haven’t formulated my thoughts around what special gifts I want to make/buy/order for the special ones in my life. And it really has to start with the thought, otherwise you waste countless hours aimlessly wandering a mall, wide eyed and panic stricken or glazed over and zombie like. I’ve done both.

But not this year! Last year I decided to bring extra joy and meaning to my Christmas gift giving and vowed not to do anything without love in my heart – I imposed a "no complaining" sanction on myself. I focused on buying gifts that were either handcrafted, locally or Canadian made, fair trade, organic or made from recycled materials. I also gave gifts that keep on giving: Kiva microloan gift certificates, cows and goats from Heifer.org, water for African communities and education for Afghan girls. The GreaterGood.org website has a huge variety of ideas for Gifts that Give More and trust me when I tell you that when you hit that donate/buy key, you will feel a rush of satisfaction knowing that you just gave a second chance to someone who really needs it.

I didn’t buy any wrapping paper so I had a lot of fun trying to figure out how to disguise the gifts in creative ways (hello newspaper, coffee cans and tea towels!). I found joy in the journey and it was one of my most memorable holidays ever. I plan to do the same this year … Pity the one who gets pjs that smell like dark roast.

Actually – after writing all that out, I’m thinking that I may not have to leave the comfort of my couch! Just have to figure out where to keep that cow …

Do you have some sites or ideas for creative, thoughtful Christmas gifts? Do share!

Time Squander

Adventure Girl came over last night for vintage wine-in-a-cardboard box and deep conversation. We were excitedly sharing stories about things that had us enthused about life these days. She was recounting a meeting she had with a seemingly ordinary young woman who is setting extraordinary goals to affect change - and is doing it. We commented on how there are remarkable people who seem to spend every minute of their time productively, and we feel a little shameful for squandering precious time. I shared my disappointment in myself that I have yet to latch onto a cause or initiative to which  I feel compelled to make a commitment. As it stands now, I am just one of those people who writes cheques to and follows causes that inspire me. That is easy giving. I haven't figured out the best way I can make meaningful contributions.

When I was a young, working mother of three, barely holding it together to get through what seemed to be whirlwind, activity packed, energy sucking days, I flamed a desire to give back. I remembered my college days of volunteering with mentally challenged kids and adults in a group home, and that fulfillment that was a gift to me. I yearned to recreate that experience and achieve that fulfillment once again. But simply put - I didn't have anything left to offer - nor did I have the energy.

Now I am on the cusp of being an empty nester - Kidlet will be heading off to school next fall - and that yearning to volunteer is stronger than ever. And that is because my time has come. No more squandering for me. I can feel the pieces coming together, and my destiny taking shape and becoming clearer.

I have alot to give back, and I don't want to waste a minute!

Surprise My Eyes

Look what arrived today while I was home on my day off ... an unexpected surprise!

Doorbell rings. I remove drugstore glasses from my nose, zip up my hoodie to hide my "indecent" non apparel, scoop up a frenzied Fritz into my arms and open the door.

Pleasant looking man holds out enormous bouquet of roses and blossoms as I stand gaping at him. "Who are they from??" He smiles and tells me that I'll have to read the card. We switch - he takes Fritz and I take the flowers. I take Fritz back and smile widely back at man. He nods sheepishly and then leaves, wishing me a good day. I close door with my foot and remember that I didn't remember to tip him. Now I am sheepish. Geesh.

Hubby asks who they are from ... what, they're not from you?

I rip open the cellophane and look for a card. I tear open the envelope ... my dear friend E, the budding artist, wrote something about thanks for being her sheltering tree...

See what happens when you let your friends read your blog? See what happens when you have awesome, amazing, life long friends? You get delightful surprises!

The weekend is off to a wonderful start.

A Girl No More

This week I became a parent again -- to an eighteen-month old little girl I sponsor through Plan. Her name is Genesis and she is from Honduras. Apparently Karla-Elisabet, the child I had sponsored since she was 2 years old, is now considered an adult.

It was strange to get the news ... no fanfare, no official goodbyes for my little Honduran spirit - just a flimsy slip of paper with the sparsely worded announcement. Karla and I never developed a strong mutual correspondence ... she struggled with school and was too shy to write to me. I sent photos printed off the computer and letters in which I tried to explain hockey, freezing cold weather and snow, and divorce. I wrote out stories about kidlet (same age) and her adventures and wondered if she would find any of it interesting. I once received a piece of cloth with "God Bless You Lyn" roughly embroidered in pink thread that she made me. I pictured her sitting in the shade of a tree, perhaps happily chatting as an elder coached her with her stitches. I often wondered how/if she was enjoying her life; what her dreams were; what her fears were ...

And so a chapter is closed as a young woman starts another - her foray into adulthood. I can only hope that somehow she managed to accumulate the knowledge, maturity and strength she will need to live her life fully. God bless you Karla ... and thank you for letting me carve a little place for myself in your life.

And hello Genesis ... something tells me that this is the start of something wonderful.

Getting & Giving ... or Sharing & Caring

Rolling around my head ... thoughts about materialism, consumerism and all sorts of 'isms'. Not exactly sure why. Maybe it's the economic downturn or maybe in my wise middle age I am taking more time to pause and reflect on what I have experienced, and what I see.

Why do we hold that which we have so tightly and then continue to accumulate even more ... so much more than we need? How much is enough? Why is it so hard for us to let go ... and give?

I can't understand why companies and owners, once they reach profitability, resist sharing the wealth with the very people who generate it? Why is it all about making the most they can make, instead making enough and then sharing the rest. Shouldn't the dollar we pursue be the solution or the answer to the question ... "I want/need this money SO THAT" . . . I think we forget WHY we are pursuing wealth; and sadly we live in a society that is wired to recognize success in money signs and decimals, and not in deeds and contributions.

Since Kidlet has returned from her Costa Rica trip where she had her heart and mind opened to greater possibilities, I can see her struggling to make sense of things ... to find meaning in her daily life. We were having a life chat this evening and we were discussing this very topic. She showed me this wonderful website, TOMS Shoes. This company produces funky, casual shoes and for every pair they sell, they donate a pair to a needy child . One for one. They are a shining example of making a difference while still having a profitable business. Kidlet made a profound comment; she said she thinks she could start a business that could be profitable -- and in more ways that are merely financial.

I long to find my way of giving back; to dedicate a piece of myself to the greater good and humanity. I think Kidlet is reminding me about something I had pushed to the back shelf ...

Life is funny like that. She sends little reminders in unexpected ways. We just have to pay attention ... Thank you Kidlet.

Giving As a Way of Living

During this season of giving, I am uncomfortable. I am restless. It seems everything I am giving, is easy for me to give. I need to give something deeper - more - something that I would be parting with, a sacrifice of sorts. That volunteering notion is nagging me again, creeping from my subconscious to activate my generosity switch.

As we drove past a maximum security corrections facility for youth I thought aloud that maybe I would like to volunteer there ... maybe run a writing group or something. My accomplished teenager asked me (rhetorically) what I knew about running a writing group. A cauldron of emotions boiled over inside me and it confirmed what I already knew (apart from the fact that my daughter seems to know nothing about me personally); I have to be a living example of the change I want to see. I have to do it for her, for my community and most importantly for me.

As a teenager I volunteered at an organization for mentally and physically challenged people. I have never know such joy and fulfillment. I spread my time between the workshops, stores and my most favourite - the group home. I came home every night bubbling with stories of the affection and attachments I was forming with the special people I was supposedly helping. In actuality, we helped one another. They taught me about unconditional acceptance and love and most importantly, I learned about myself. I learned that I had alot of love to share as well as alot of care. I learned that when you volunteer, you always get back tenfold what you give. That's not the reason to give, but it is a reason to live - more abundantly, spiritually and authentically.

The right stream will present itself to me, and when it does, I am ready.

TeleLifeLine

Last night I had one of those evenings spent entirely on the phone; some of the calls I made; others came to me. The longest call was from an aunt of mine who does not have family close by. She often tells me how fortunate I am to have my parents, siblings and my girls all living in my neighbourhood - or at least in close proximity. I know she would give anything to have that.

I must confess that there are times when I pick up the phone somewhat begrudgingly ... you know the excuses ... I'm tired; I don't feel social; I don't want to give up my whole night. But once I hear her voice on the other end, and we start to chatter I hear her voice get stronger and her laughter more hearty and free, and I feel ashamed myself. She appreciates every gesture of kindness and even the smallest activities that we take for granted -- getting a coffee at Tim Horton's, buying nicnacs at Walmart, or makeup at the drugstore -- give her such delight. It takes so little to uplift her and make her happy. An hour on the phone -- sinfully easy for me to give -- begets a big happy dividend for her. And as it turns out -- for me too.

These chats I have with people create connections - delicate threads weaving together stories, memories, and relationships into the intricate tapestry that is my life. The richer and more frequent the connections, so is my life enriched.

As usual. when we do something kind, we get back so much more than we give. Then I am reminded how fortunate I truly am. Now I just have to keep that in mind the next time the phone rings...