On My Way Back to Myself

I've missed you. To be honest, it feels a little strange to be back in this space that was once my place of comfort; exploration and creativity. I strayed; I experienced alot of life; and I reflected. And  just as life famously does, it has deposited me back at the doorstep of this blog. It is calling me and I am ready. It's not unlike dusting off an old trunk of precious treasures and memorabilia.

Last weekend I was at a two-day retreat, Journey to Rise. I went to support my friend Laura and in the process I was awakened to what I have learned over the years of reading, manifesting and knew to be true. I had a sign...I heard people repeatedly calling my mother's name, Roma. It's not a common name especially if you are of Irish/French Canadian descent. And then I realized the gentle healing dog that greeted each of us was named Roma. I warmed at every mention.

I meditate, well, at least since last weekend. I am not good at it. I struggle to keep my mind from cycling and to be still in the quiet. But I have to believe that I'll get better at it.  I have been starting small with short 10-12 minute long guided meditations - last thing I do before I fall asleep and the first thing in the morning. I have been sleeping deeper  and have felt joy radiating from my deepest being all week.

When my eyes are closed and no matter what the meditation calls for, the word LOVE pops up, in fuchsia, blue and purple. What do you want? LOVE. What is your reason for gratitude? LOVE. What do you picture your future self doing? LOVING. I am LOVE.

And my purpose is right there, lurking in the distance, gradually coming into focus.

I am writing. I am creating. I am listening to music. I am reconnecting and strengthening my connections (more about that in my next post) and I feel a deep peace and feeling of gratitude.

I am on my way back to myself.

Body and Soul

I walk briskly down the sidewalk, quickening my pace with every step. I start to run, picking a telephone pole at the end of the block as my target. I'm alone with my thoughts and the rhythm of my runners pounding the pavement. I'm out of shape. First clue - the heaving of my chest and private negotiations with self to stop running before I reach the pole.

I alternate between brisk walking and running -- and sometimes a geriatric jog. I return the comments from the cast of characters that line the route with breathless smiles and pants. I reach the path in the park and disappear into the thick fringe of greenery. My shoulders immediately drop and relaxation creeps in. My body switches to autopilot and my mind soars. No earbuds here... I soak up every sound - birds singing, the train rolling by on the other side of the chain link fence, a dog barking in the distance, me humming John Denver tunes. It's the natural soundtrack that I prefer but I've probably caused a bird a wince or two.

It's special - this noon hour time I carve out for myself to break free of my office and move my body. I replay memory gems, reflect on challenges I'm facing in my job, release that over which I have no control, dream endless dreams, and give silent prayers of gratitude.

Lunchtime nourishment for my body and soul.

Got the Fever

I've got the fever ... Olympic Fever. My Canadian Spirit is bursting out of my skin. I love it!  I just watched the final leg of the Olympic torch make its way to its resting place in Vancouver until the opening ceremonies that will be starting in a few hours. My modest, restrained  Canadian sensibility is totally in check and I am embracing the Olympic cyclone with wild abandon.

For the next few weeks it will be all things Olympic. For the next few weeks we can resurrect our national pride, put on our FAN faces and watch the world compete. For the next few weeks we will witness the pinnacle of achievement and the agony of defeat. We will watch as one world - and  immerse ourselves in a few weeks of positive.

It couldn't have come at a better time -- we are souls battered by the fatigues of a long winter, and the barrage of tragedies that have befallen our brothers and sisters around the planet. And that doesn't mean we'll forget our friends in Haiti ... we'll keep them close in our heart and keep a watchful eye.
We won't forget you, I promise.

So on the night of the opening of this 2010 Olympics, I wish you all a wonderful weekend -- and all of the national spirit you can muster. And if aren't interested, don't get too close. Olympic Spirit is contagious ... and I got the fever!!

Dinner Date

I'm a little damp, fresh back from my trip into the city. I met J - my friend of 36 years - for dinner at a quaint little Italian cafe. It poured the entire drive and as I wrestled with my mini microscopic umbrella and walked from the parking lot to the restaurant, it seemed to come down even harder. [reminder to self: get a new umbrella]

I was a little fatigued all day and I wasn't sure I had the energy to go out after work. [don't worry, it wasn't swine flu] But once the day was done, and I was on my way, my second wind arrived and the thought of seeing my friend buoyed my spirits. Friendship is good medicine - cures what ails us.

She had ordered the wine and was casually sipping away when I arrived late. We laughed at the fact that once again she had let her cell phone battery die down hence I hadn't been able to let her know that I was parked on the highway behind one of several accidents.

The chatter was constant; the atmosphere warm and easy; the recognition unmistakable and the bond eternal. We're those same two little girls giggling across the lunchroom tables, finishing one another's sentences.

I'm not exactly sure why I've been privileged with this kindred spirit to accompany me on my life's journey ... in fact, I have been blessed with a special handful. But in the absence of answers I simply try to deserve the special people in my life; to honour them by appreciating their presence. They are the fragrant blossoms in my garden ... my beautiful garden.

It's Beginning to Feel Alot Like Christmas

Tree is up! Our eclectic (fake) tree adorned - each ornament either a piece of family history or a gift from someone special. The Christmas music is loaded into my MP3 player - a really good assortment I must add - and is all hooked up to my sound system. I am finished my shopping and this weekend I even got everything wrapped up. I didn't buy wrapping paper and I decided to only use my cloth bags, reuse my gift bags or old boxes I had kicking around. I am getting in touch with my creative (s)elf. Label me Christmas Wiz (or not). At least I met one goal - to get all of the shopping and errands out of the way early so we could be freed up to actually enjoy the company of our family and friends. What a concept!

It looks as though that is going to happen ... this is the year that our whole family - my parents, daughters, sisters and brother and all of the nieces and nephews are all together for Christmas Day. My girls love when we have the "big one", as do I. Not sure if it's my imagination but it seems as though people are in particularly good moods as they go about their Christmas errands. Surprising considering the times ...

Anyway -nothing can dampen this girl's Christmas spirit. Soon the house will be filled with the smells of Christmas -- as soon as I move kidlet's stinking hockey bag from the front foyer and start baking! But that is for another day!