Beauty in Transition

Living in a country with four seasons has taught me to appreciate change and find the beauty and opportunity in transition. The splendour of the autumn foliage is the opening act for the blustery winter to come. It takes summer out on a high note and leaves us wanting when it finally recedes and all that remains are stark, naked trees and the gray chill of November.

If we take our queue from nature, we could trust the transitional periods in our lives that may be tumultuous and even painful, knowing that it's something that we have to go through to get through it.

So for now we celebrate each precious remaining sunny, autumn day with long walks immersed in golden and fallen leaves and deep blue skies; and give silent thanks for the gifts that come with change.

Embracing Change - That Was and What Will Be

What a year it's been! If I had to pick one word to sum it up, it would be change. Everything changed in 2015. Virtually everyone from our tribe who lived within a kilometre of one another, moved. Four moves within six months. Our convenient daily contact has been tested and we're still navigating the change. My drive-by early morning sightings of my dad reading the paper, looking up as I honked have been replaced with early morning phone calls as I commute from the country into work. We keep our weekly dinner engagements and spend our special holidays together. But I won't lie -- it isn't the same as being just down the street from the people you love. Over Christmas my daughter thanked me and said it was a wonderful way to grow up. So I choose to be grateful for that precious experience and renew my commitment to maintaining the family bonds in other ways.

We welcomed a new member to the family and didn't lose anyone - reasons enough to celebrate! We maintained our Christmas traditions and added a few new ones. Our country schoolhouse is gradually becoming a home. The walls have soaked up the laughter and love of our famjams and I can feel this warm energy long after the last car has pulled away. If I listen very carefully, I swear I can hear the residual murmur of conversations and faint sound of giggles - remnants of our time shared together.

And even though I am full to overflowing with gratitude for the life I get to call my own, I have yet one more change to embrace - making my health a priority. So 2016 will continue to be a year of change - all good changes that will find me returning to the body that is mine and reclaiming my energy that I so desperately need to be able to do all that I want and need to accomplish. I plan to take greater control over various aspects of my life, and let go and trust more in others to get the freedom I've been missing.

This upcoming year there will no doubt be lessons to be learned and triumphs earned,  but it's going to be a good one. I can feel it.

One thing though that will not change is my gratitude for the many blessings in my life.

Let's all decide to make 2016 a great year; work for peace; have a giving heart; and seek the gifts in adversity. It's a fresh start!

Earn it to Deserve It

How ironic that the book I have been reading on my travels includes the story of Job - a man who was tested beyond belief. Tonight, at the midnight hour, I find myself relating...

Okay - I suppose we cannot compare having your tribe wiped out and being cursed with seeping sores with having the washer flood, the landscapers forget the curb appeal part of their contract, flooring that won't stick, wallpaper that won't unstick and icing on the cake -- having the  pitter-patter of little feet - paws - romping across the ceiling. Yup - we got company, and just in time for us to get our house ready to list. Hubby has been working around the clock to get our place ready to sell.

Don't get me wrong -- there's been progress - new carpeting, three freshly painted bedrooms, one partially upgraded bathroom, overgrown trees removed and the hedges trimmed. But we've miles to go before we sleep --literally.

And it doesn't help to be doing most of this after the work day when we are tired, although we have had the help of our families. As I was mopping up the laundry room floor with already musty towels to the tune of hubby cursing the tiles he was trying to match to the uneven wall, it occurred to me that we are really earning our new dream house. We have to earn it to deserve and by Job -- we deserve it.

And now - I will officially call this pity party to a close. And tonight as I lay to rest my weary bones, I will give thanks for all that is to come.

Pay Day

My day started out a little rough yesterday. As I drove down my street a bird dropped from a tree above and I killed it with my car. I was heart sick all the way to work. The attendant at the drive through coffee shop tipped the cup as she handed it to me leaking little brown droplets all over the sleeve of my white jacket. And by the time I reached the front door of my office building to realize that I had left my security card in my other bag, I was starting to wonder what lesson I was supposed to be learning...

I'd had enough and decided to turn my day around. Or maybe it turned me around...

A few months back I tossed my name into the hat for the manager's position that had opened up with my boss's retirement. I debated the decision to attempt a return to management; part of me afraid of failure, the other part afraid of not trying. And so after three months and two intense interviews later and a few more weeks of waiting, I learned that I had won the competition. Monday I leave the comfort and safety of my cube and move my mess and disorder down the hallway to the stark and empty office that was my boss's. 

I have no illusions. It's not easy transitioning from peer to leader in a team, but I work with the best (some of them just don't know it). We'll go through it together, as a team.

And the tingles of fear and anticipation remind me that I am alive with much left to learn and more boundaries to challenge. I am also reminded of why it is important to keep dreaming...

What's that saying-- be careful what you wish for?  *smile*

Dreams really do come true.

Nothing Ventured

It's surprisingly liberating to stray outside the easy and comfortable for the risky and vaguely unknown. It's been over a decade since I've strolled that pathway. My job has been rewarding and presented its challenges - but it's been safe. I'm overdue for some noise.

So I'm sticking my neck out and catching a breeze. I have nothing to lose, but my pride could take a mild bruising. But the damage would only be temporary - a superficial wound.

But if the winds of change blow in my favour, I could have something wonderful to sink my teeth into. I could leverage my experience, exercise my leadership muscle and stretch my abilities.

Complacency lurks in the usual and the comfortable, and if you are not vigilant, it can quietly seep in and become a permanent cohabitant.

But I am not ready to relax into it; to surrender to the easy. I want to be stimulated; to feel alive, vibrant, and even a little scared.

And so I did it; I took a risk, and now I have to wait. And I do so willingly knowing that nothing ventured - nothing gained. And knowing that at the very least, there will be lesson concealed in the experience. And for this opportunity, I am truly grateful.

The Change

What a difference a few weeks makes. We've gone from cooling off on a sunny deck to warming our frigid fingers by a blazing fire. This will be one of the last few weekends spent at our place of peace - also known as Falconridge, our summer cottage. It's been rainy and cold for most of the weekend and our electric heaters are working overtime to get the inside temperature up above 12 C.

Time to start "the close" - pull the boats out of the water, ready the docks for the ice, tuck the chairs and umbrellas under the cottage, and lastly, pull the water lines out of the lake. Summer has past and "the change" has begun. Me and the lake have that in common - we're both going through the change, albeit I'm a little farther along in the process.  My feelings are mixed as I watch the brittle birch tree leaves flutter to the ground, signalling a time to pack away our precious summertime memories and say good bye for another year.

It's also a season of great beauty, with crimson and burnt orange foliage that goes out in a blaze of glory. I always get a little flutter in my stomach when change is imminent; maybe it is the prospect of new possibilities and eager anticipation of what is to come. And so I will soak up these last few hours at the lake and look to the adventures that lay before me. I have lots to look forward to, and even more to appreciate.

Here are some captures from our wet autumn weekend at the lake for your viewing pleasure.

Transitions

I remember from giving birth that "transition" is the most difficult part of  ->what-is-supposedly-> the most natural of all processes. I learned that just when things in life start to change - often in the most painful of ways - and at the exact point of when you think you've reach your breaking point, your full capacity, you transition into a new paradigm. You've been tested; you endure, and you inure.

We adjust to our new reality and if we are truly adept, we embrace it and go forward stronger and with wisdom borne of experience.

So here at cottage land, in our place of peace, nature is serving up advance notice, warning signals that she is entering transition. And soon the lazy, humid days of summer will be filed under "memories 2013" and the mysterious ways Mother Earth will reveal themselves. The birch leaves will yellow and be the first to fall; they already are. The maples will don brilliant crimson and fiery orange before shedding their cloaks to stand bare and tall to face the Canadian winter.

But for this weekend, the last weekend of the summer, we will give a nod to the signals and cherish these last few days at the lake. Autumn will arrive soon enough an with it, bring its own label of stunning. There will be great beauty in this beloved season of transition, as well as a little sadness that yet another year has passed. But as with any transition, there will be more goodness and blessings to come.

Power Surge

I didn't want to become someone who whines about growing older and bemoans the horrors of menopause. I've accepted the fact that changes are inevitable and chosen to embrace each and every affliction with grace and dignity. But can I tell you "oh what fun it is" to Christmas shop in an indoor mall with "power surges" spiking randomly? Unzip goes the coat as I frantically tear away every piece of clothing that is legally permissible. I reluctantly stop at my skin but that would do too if I could swing it!

Man alive! It makes excursions tricky. Flaming face, hot body (not the cool hot), and a bunch of other stuff that no one tells you about. But I am counting on this as a temporary state of being, and banking on the "pause" part of menopause. Until then -- I'm going to harness my inner power surges and let them fuel my passion for life. Onward and upwards! 

Merry Men-0h-pause!

Trading Shackles

News footage shows the rejoicing in Libya at the prospect of democracy; Libya’s new leaders said they intend to make Islamic Sharia law the main source of legislation. And although it does not necessarily mean that the government will implement all provisions (some harsh) of Sharia - it is subject to interpretation, laws related to personal status - divorce, inheritance, marriage will likely apply. Women are not granted full equality in this system. I understand and respect the rights of religions and cultures to establish their criteria, however shouldn't participation in said be voluntary; chosen of a free heart and mind? This will be difficult when the laws and hence the penal systems uphold the new way forward.

I can't help wondering what this will mean for women -- half the population. Will the women of Libya who fought as vigorously as their male counterparts for change and liberty be forced into societal shackles, or will they be able to exercise free will? Will they have the right to choose their own destiny; and will there be harsh punishment for non-compliance? It is troubling to me that this direction for the nation is being determined by a leadership practically devoid of female voice.

I can only hope that the women of Libya will get the life they seek and deserve. And that's the political rant for the day.

Way to Inspire

This time last year I was gearing up to go to We Day, still reveling in the euphoric aftermath of our Kenya trip. It was the experience that kept on giving, and left an indelible impression. Tomorrow I will watch the inspirational testimonials, and musical tributes that amount to a celebration of evangelical proportion via an Internet stream. Nothing like thousands of school-aged pumped up, wired, shameless idealists (that's what they call themselves) committing to being agents of change, to restore hope and kick my butt into action. The youth of today are fearless; they understand that they are part of a global village with responsibilities to their larger human family. They inspire me to ask myself what my role is in creating a better world; they show me that every  effort, no matter how small, creates a ripple of much needed change.

Our youth have much to teach us. We just have to pay attention.

Times are a'Changing

Change is in the air. The days are getting shorter and now when I leave for work in the morning, it is barely daylight; a reminder of the impending end of summer as if the back to school ads weren't enough. Kidlet is gearing up for her second year of university. The reappearance of her hockey equipment is signalling her decision to try out for the varsity team. She has missed the game I admit that I have too so if her tryouts are successful and her shoulder holds out then her roomies will have the pleasure of her omnipresent hockey bag in various degrees of stench being stowed in the utility room. And I will pass the along the Fabreez to her worthy mates.

Harmony is in the throes of shifting creative directions in her career and my oldest daughter is finding new roommates. To add to the change mix my organization is in flux as well - thank you Mr. Harper. Oh well,  fall seems to bring about change and I have learned its better to embrace than avoid.

I started back to the gym this week after months of being MIA just like my waistline.  I figure it's better to spend lunch hours getting exercise rather than overeating or spending money. And it's part of my effort to keep a promise to myself for better work / life balance and good health.

I've missed our little cabin up north so I am looking forward to the upcoming weekend - our last summer hurrah at the cottage. Hope Harmony caught the rogue mouse that was roaming around. It's been two weeks so I know I will notice lots of changes - maybe even some partially clad trees and such. 

Politically there has been some chatter about our left wing and moderately left parties merging to conquer our conservative government. I think it makes sense, but then again I lean to the left and anything that will create a strong opposition to the destruction path our leader is taking the country down is good in my books.

Change is in the air. I can smell it.

Give a Little Access to Care for Those Suffering With HIV/AIDS

I've been reading one of those books that are so engaging and thought provoking that you just can't put it down. My daughters gave me An Imperfect Offering by James Orbinski, and oh what a gift it has been!

James is a former head of the NGO Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders) and shares stories from his decades of service in Russia, Somalia, Afghanistan and Rwanda. As fate would have it he was in Rwanda during the 1994 genocide - his “undoing”- and he struggled with the horror he has witnessed. He shares  personal insights on the human toll of political and social disasters and his frustration at not being able to prevent that which he felt to be preventable (immunizations and life saving treatments that are cost prohibitive). He accepted the Nobel Peace Prize for Médecins Sans Frontières in 1999 and in 2004 launched a new organization with James Fraser, Dignitas International to implement community-based care programs in developing nations for people living with HIV/AIDS.

He has become a hero to me and joins the ranks of my personal panel of changemakers and inspirational people that include of Stephen Lewis, Romeo Dallaire, Craig Kielburger - all of whom are (coincidentally) Canadian.

With tomorrow being Canada Day, and today being my Thursday "Give a Little", I am donating to Dignitas International and celebrating a man - James Orbinsky, and an organization that exemplifies what I hold true to what it means to be truly Canadian.

Read about my Thursday's Give a Little Challenge and other posts. I have to give ongoing props to Wendy Smith for her inspiring book, Give a Little. Consider giving it a read.

Change Is Gonna Come

The words of the Sam Cooke anthem blasted in my ears as I ran on the treadmill -- "I know a change is gonna come oh yes it will". As the rhythmic pounding of my feet on the rubber ramp lulled me into deep contemplation, I thought about how life is served up in stages of change, adjustment and stabilization. Right now the winds of change are blowing, barreling  through... I can feel the earth tilting, shifting, for me and those whom I love.

Our grand lady Doris is transitioning from my Dad and T's place to assisted independent living. Nothing final yet, however the process is underway. My daughter put the bow on the job she enjoyed but felt was limiting her, and parked it to pursue her dreams. Kidlet just got home from university, then Italy and now is leaving for the Caribbean for a 3 week mission trip. The luggage hasn't cleared the front hallway for weeks and the laundry is still MIA. My sis-in-law just got married and we are settling into a new family rhythm on that front. At my office we got new leadership and change is atmospheric there too. To add yet another layer of excitement to the change brew, my Pops is having  a very serious surgery in a month to revitalize him and ensure his mobility so he is in prep mode (making like a navy seal plotting to overthrow the enemy). And of course there's the whole dance with middle age that delivers up daily surprises -- most of which is NOT covered in any of those self help books, so I won't even touch on these relentless power surges that are plaguing empowering me. (Yes I want some cheese with my whine!)

I know that for some, change can be a source of uncertainty and cause anxiety. However despite any misgivings I may have, the excitement of possibility always eclipses the fear. Change agitates and stimulates. It swirls and surrounds and leaves you breathless - but exhilarated. Change makes life interesting and even more so when it is embraced. So I am going to put my arms around it and give it a big ol' hug. Cause life is about to get very interesting ...

Resolve to be a master of change rather than a victim of change.
- Brian Tracy

Laundry Room Intervention

It was overdue. In the 23 years that I have lived in my home, the laundry room remained untouched, its dingy yellowed walls grew even dingier, and the lime green mottled linoleum flooring is now pulling away from the baseboards. So last week my washer finally seized (after about a year's forewarning) full of sopping clothes and soapy water (of course!). I figured it was a decorating intervention courtesy of the universe. So I accepted the challenge.

Today's goals: Organize, toss, and empty room of appliances, critters, critter droppings and all other contents. Evict spiders, scrub walls and floors and find a place to hang the sopping, mouldy laundry. Buy paint and new flooring.

I am happy to report that ALL my goals were met. Oh sure we have a 200+ pound washer lodged outside by the front door and a dryer in our entrance hall as well as two full bags of single socks whose mates are in sock heaven (or wherever socks go when they don't return from battle). But I was rewarded with  $2.17 in coins scavenged from the scene of the crime. All in all it was a productive, profitable day!

Tomorrow's goals: paint the walls from dirty yellow to a whiter shade of pale and ready room for new appliances that are coming at the end of the week. Hubby will lay the floor next week. I have my eye on the prize but let's face it, it's going to getting uglier and messier before it gets pretty. But I really can't wait.

First Contact

FINALLY -- first contact. I hadn't spoken to Kidlet at all since we were pushed out the door left her happily unpacking and settling into her dorm room. It felt unnatural. Hubby and I were cloistered up at our cottage enjoying the coziness and monotony of the six day long drizzle and chill with no land line. I  exchanged Facebook quips and a few emails with Kidlet -- mostly me whining about how much I missed her -- but I hadn't heard her voice. I just got back last night at midnight from a business trip and all I could think about was talking to her and hearing about her first impressions and her first week on campus.

"Hi Mom!" She actually sounded genuinely happy to hear my voice.
"Kidlet! How ARE you?" my enthusiasm blurting through the lines.

And for the next fifteen minutes I got the answer. She talked excitedly, rapidly, trying to squeeze as many words per second as possible into the call. She has made cool friends; she likes everyone in her dorm; she misses her sweetheart I sensed a gulp and a tear here; she loves her classes imitated the guttural noises she is supposed to practice for her German classes; she only got lost once; the food is delicious and HER ROOM IS CLEAN that may be subject to inspection. Will miracles never cease???

I felt a pang ... homesickness, excitement, and pride all rolled into one fat lump in my throat. As the pace of the conversation quickened I realized she was expected somewhere and had to wind down the call. We said our goodbyes hastily however I sensed our mutual satisfaction with our exchange. My Kidlet sounded more mature and a new confidence strengthened her voice.

It may be time for Kidlet to give way to Womlet.  We'll see... All I know is that tonight I am going to sleep a little sounder. Nite Kidlet - sweet dreams.

Mixed Pickles

We drove home from the cottage yesterday after a family packed weekend. We were tired but relaxed. This weekend was hubby's turn; his parents and sister had their first time with us (except his mom who had the sneak preview a few weeks back), along with two of our girls. Our little 750 square feet of paradise is a little cramped for our large family, but I have noticed a recurring feeling that washes over me when I watch the last car pull away up our lane way. Melancholy. For as much effort it takes to entertain a cottage full of people in close quarters, it is the sound of their laughter and splashing in the lake that energize our cabin and create lasting memories. I say "lasting" because even after the last car has driven off, and the last bed stripped, and the final dish washed, the walls of our cottage still vibrate with the love and good feelings that come with sharing our special place.

And now another weekend is behind us - sadly. Summer is far too short. So now we sit at mid August staring the start of a new school year in the face. I have mixed emotions; this fall is bringing a monumental shift in our household. Kidlet will be leaving in just over two weeks for university - the last of my babes. And I know from experience that she will never live at home again the same way. Home will be a temporary landing place for her between semesters and travels. It will be a safe haven and place to return for brief interludes and have laundry done. It will become the launching pad. It's the end of an era and the winding down of my hands on, active parenting.

On the other hand, I can hardly wait for her to experience the exhilaration of freedom that comes from making all her own decisions, big and small, and living them. It will be a thrill to hear her stories of dorm life, studies that she loves and loathes, and how much she misses the big screen TV comforts of home. I can dream can't I?

So I guess my emotions are all over the place. I feel like a jar of mixed pickles - some hot, sour, sweet - but all good! All of these bittersweet meanderings and feelings are rambling around and I never know which one I am going to bite into at any given moment.

Life  is good - and tasty! And for that, I am truly grateful.

The Times Are A' Changing

Well Easter is not quite what it used to be .., no little feet pounding the staircase; no squeals of victory upon discovery of sugary treats; no fancy little baskets brimming with more chocolate than any human has a right to ingest.

We had a family dinner on Good Friday, freeing up my girls to spend Easter Sunday with other members of the family. Kidlet had a hockey tournament  and my eldest daughter hosted Passover at her place for her Jewish family. So this morning, hubby and I got up to enjoy the glorious sunshine of the day. We took to the road for a Sunday drive, exploring the quaint villages and shops along the way. As we drove, I leaned my head against the window - and as the farmland, barns and wetlands  rolled by, scenes of Easters passed scrolled in my memory.

Of course I had bought my loved ones some chocolate treats but without the excitement of Easter morning and the egg hunt, it felt as though something was missing. It felt odd for hubby and I to have this day to spend together. And although I enjoyed the warmth of my hand in his as we strolled along, and the time we had together, I couldn't help but marvel had how the times had changed.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.

Growing Up and Away

I am stashed away in my bedroom, computer open in my lap, Fritz sprawled across my legs. Kidlet is downstairs in front of a roaring fire with her boyfriend. Yup -- she has a real life boyfriend now. Her very first - the official memo that my baby is growing up.

Time is forever serving up new changes and evolutions. I can feel the cosmic shift and soon my universe will look quite different. In the next nine months I could very well become an empty nester - just hubby and the dog and I. The house will be quiet and cleaner! No more aromatic hockey bag lodged in the front foyer. We'll only need three litres of milk instead of nine every week. I'll probably only have to do 2 loads of laundry and a jar of peanut butter will last for months -- not to mention the ice cream! Kidlet's bedroom floor will reappear and there won't be any wet towels slung over the bannister to dry.

But for now, I still have my little girl here, at home .... in front of fire with her boyfriend. Time to unleash Fritz the yappy schnauzer for a recon mission.

Goodbye August

Goodbye August.

Thirty-one days never passed so quickly. We had some good times ... a few birthdays, lots of family dinners and barbecues ... and a funeral. I said goodbye to someone special and renewed some family ties. I made a commitment to make the second half of my life be about service, and giving back. I started dreaming big again. I set an ambitious goal and starting making some exciting plans for next summer.

So as the blooms on the flowers start to wilt, the green in the leaves gives way to crimson attire and the year sheds its summer, I am both grateful for the gifts and filled with anticipation of what September will bring.

God I love living in a land of seasons - and the changes that are guaranteed. But then again, life has seasons of its own -- and as I feel the impending shift in breezes, I welcome them.

Goodbye August.

Season of Change

You could smell it in the air this morning. Just a hint; a barely-there whiff of autumn. And you know what that means ... summer is on her last legs and her days are numbered. It's last call.

This summer has been a season of loss, transition and change. The shape and face of our family shifted and is forever changed; several of my loved ones suffered turmoil and personal devastation; and Kidlet embraced her new found freedom that driving and her new job provided. She is bracing herself for her last year of high school and hockey - and emotions are running high. It's got me thinking about what her absence will mean to me and this house next year. Her transitions are also mine.

We sent my nephew off on his west coast adventure yesterday - it involved a slew of barbecued burgers, boiled sweet corn, and cake!

In the past few months we also lost icons from the entertainment and political worlds. Ted Kennedy's passing really hit home for me. I had come to respect and admire him as I followed his record in the Senate and his passing marks the end of an era ... and the dawn of another. I am hoping that his life will serve as an inspiration to the next generation to take up the fight for the greater good of humankind.

Change can be overwhelming and the unknown - a little frightening. But in all things, change is a certainty. I have found when we embrace it and seek the gifts it bears, the winds of change can take us into the unexplored waters of opportunity. We just need to be fearless, set the course, leave the harbour and enjoy the voyage.

So as we transition from summer and prepare to greet autumn, I have a renewed sense of optimism and expectation. And I welcome that familiar feeling like an old friend.