To Life!

It's Easter Sunday. So much to celebrate! And I'm not just talking about the Cadbury bunny that is missing some essential body parts. The dust has died down after the Easter famjam; the leftover leftovers are nestled on the second shelf in the fridge, the folding chairs are folded and stored, far away family members are back home and my heart is as full as my belly. 

Me and the Sibs. Photo courtesy of LRC

It was a special weekend. Our family of twenty filled the house with raucous chatter, laughter and dancing.  Me and the sibs got down with Uptown Funk much to the horror of our kids. Or maybe it was the bunny ears... they really have to learn to loosen up.

We gathered for a family picture before dinner... kinda like herding cats. Just as hubby counted the shot down - a unison of "we're getting married" rang out. There was a clear second of silence before the ensuing chorus shrieks and screams. My eldest daughter is going to marry her soulmate. Another family first - a same sex wedding. The family swarmed the couple and cocooned them with good wishes and all the love they could muster. 

We live for these monumental moments! And it is not lost on our how special it is for us all to be able to share them together. I couldn't help thinking about how proud and pleased my mom would be for her namesake. 

We wrapped the weekend with an impromptu dinner with hubby's mom and dad. We missed them and got our fix. We drove home satisfied and contented with the world.

And so it was. Another life affirming, family centric weekend. And if I could raise my glass, I would toast - to life! It is indeed good.

Post Election Pride

I left work extra late Thursday and it was only when I was whipping down the highway that I remembered it was election day -- AND I ONLY HAD 40 MINUTES UNTIL THE POLLS CLOSED. I panicked. I knew I had to get there - every vote counts - absolutely. Never mind that I am addicted to the rush I get from exercising my democratic right.

I made it with minutes to spare, and then raced home to watch the results. The opinion polls had all three parties in a dead heat. But they were dead wrong. My progressive, inclusive province of Ontario elected the first woman premier in Ontario . And by the way, she's a married gay woman. Another first. And one of the reasons I love where I live; we are an inclusive society where the rainbow flag flies high, where diversity is celebrated and everyone is invited to the table.

Here's to democracy. Optimism is alive and well in Ontario and for that I am very grateful!

Dream On

Fifty years ago, Martin Luther King courageously and eloquently shared his dream for a better America; a kinder, gentler world, free of prejudice and hatred. This monumental speech was delivered with such conviction and passion, that the message continues to resonate, and is as relevant, to this very day.

Today was cause for reflection and introspection. I too have a dream:

I dream of a world
in which my children,
everyone's children,
and everyone everywhere
can be free to be
exactly who they are -
their authentic selves,
love who they love,
without judgement,
discrimination,
nor hatred.

I dream of a world
in which
L O V E
is greater than
fear of that which
we do not understand;
stronger than hatred;
more resilient than prejudice; and
humanity remembers
we are
one.


Thank you MLK for your shining light and reminding us that change starts with a vision -- a dream of something bigger and better.

Highlights from a Monumental Day

Today was monumental in more than the usual ways...

Canada celebrated its tenth anniversary of legalized same sex marriage, something that represents so much more to me. Legitimizing gay marriage not only promotes family, it acknowledges the diverse nature of relationships and symbolizes social acceptance - entrenching a fundamental human right for all. And personally, it makes me happy that all my children will have the same rights and opportunities to marry who they wish and create families that are legal and fully recognized by society.

Photo courtesy of www.huffingtonpost.ca

I had just turned on my radio when I heard the news that our singing astronaut Cmdr Chris Hadfield announced his resignation from the Canadian Space Agency and was planning to move from Houston to plant himself back on Canadian soil. He has inspired me and while he held court high above Earth, he was the first Tweeter I checked in the morning to see what quip or picture he posted - and the last I checked before bed -- to catch his finale post. Thank you Chris Hadfield for your service, for sharing your experience and dream and for reminding us that we are citizens of the world. It is the end of a stupendous run... an another reason why I am so proud to be Canadian. *wildly wave flag*

Photo courtesy of www.empowernetwork.com

And lastly, I finally filed my 2012 income tax return. Okay, I was a little late but a small refund is in order and all is good in my world. 

Stand Up

Image from http://speakequal.com/u-s-education-secretary-releases-statement-regarding-recent-lgbt-youth-suicides/

Bullying and teen suicide. The tragedies and images are leaping off the pages, and our TV/computer screens. It's beyond disturbing. It has become an issue of epidemic proportion.

Someone I love once described suicide as not having a desire to die, but rather being too exhausted to live. Bullying can do that to someone. It can wear them down; grind them into disenfranchised shreds; strip them of self worth and deplete them of the will to go on ...

Although there are often complex reasons behind a suicide, being gay or different seems to be a recurring theme. Our teens are killing themselves because they can't find a safe place in our society to become all they were meant to be. Being gay is not as rare as we are lead to believe ... if everyone who was gay - every teacher, judge, politician, pastor, athlete, leader, celebrity - was "out" and living their lives authentically, it would not only diffuse the "different" factor just by sheer number, it would show our kids that everyone has a place at the table; it would give our kids something/someone visible to relate and hold onto.

I am a mom of a gay daughter and I will not accept "tolerance", pity, or sympathy for me or her, nor fear; nor judgement from anyone. I won't accept anything less for her than all she is entitled to; the same love, respect, rights, responsibilities, liberties, opportunities that are granted to every citizen in our country. Nothing less; no comprise. None.

But it's time for us to give the news stories more than a passing sigh and moment of silence. It is time for us to be outraged and become warriors to protect our children -- our future generation. Bullying has to be dealt with head on in the schools, in the home, within families, in the workplace and in the justice system. We must speak out, demand that our schools educate our children about bullying and the roles everyone have to play in preventing, protecting, and reporting. Gay adults have to step forward to dispel fears of the unknown; to model a different face of "normal". We adults (gay or otherwise) must STAND UP and provide a safety line for young people drowning in misery. Most of all we have get over ourselves and let people be who they are or who they want to be. Unless of course that means becoming a murderous criminal or bully. Period.

Rick Mercer, a talented Canadian famous for his clever, witty passionate rants, added his voice to the chorus of adults who publicly declared their gay status in the "It gets better" video shot a year ago to encourage young gay kids. He feels that it is time to move beyond telling our kids that it will get better, and start working to change that which is hurting them - and protect them. He can speak for himself; watch the video below:

Freedom to Love

Just wanted to share this moving award winning video from Pink Dot in Singapore - a campaign that supports the freedom to love. It moved me and reminded me that so many of our brothers and sisters still do not have the most basic of human rights -- the right to love who they want. I want this for my daughters and I want it for humankind.

Unconditional

“You’re my daughter and I love you. I don’t care who you love,” she said. “But that is best kept private anyway.” The momentary relief from hearing the words she had waited years to hear evaporated with those last few syllables ... “best kept private”. She’d being doing that her whole life; keeping the “private” part of herself - the part of her who dreamed, desired and loved in technicolour – stored neatly in a virtual closet.

She exhaled a long, slow, wistful stream of air to momentarily relieve the knot in her chest, just enough to breath again. That permanent knot that expands and contracts depending on …
She was certain that if she did not find a resolution soon, she would surely, eventually, strangle.

Her mind drifted to the ideal … the words that would yank the knot from her body, free her from self loathing, and bring light into her life:

I love you. You are enough – in fact perfect – just the way you are.

Period.


For any young gay kid who is feeling weary and isolated, watch the video below and know, IT GETS BETTER.

Free to Be ... in the Military

Don't ask don't tell.

I find it unconscionable that in this day in age of transparency and instant, open communication - people serving in the American military are not granted the same human rights as civilians. They serve their country, knowing that they may be asked to make the ultimate sacrifice. Yet they are not free to be - exactly who they are - not if they happen to be gay.

I am proud that as a nation, Canada has shed this archaic discrimination in 1992. Not only can people who are gay serve openly in the military, Canada legalized gay marriage in 2005 - becoming one of a handful of countries granting gay marriage the same and full rights as heterosexual marriage. Equality. What a concept.

Aren't we helping to secure equality for women in Afghanistan? Ironic.

America is considered to be a young progressive country ... it's time. There will always be individuals (in the military and otherwise) with opposing views and personal prejudices, however a nation's policies must reflect the greater good -- the aspiration of equality for all.

Don't ask ... it doesn't matter.

As images of fresh faced men and women, outfitted in desert fatigues, serving in the treacherous desolates of Afghanistan and Iraq run across my television screen, my heart swells with concern for their well being. I wonder how they cope with the stress of impending danger - and homesickness. Does it make any sense that any of these dedicated soldiers should have the added burden of concealing their authentic self? It is mandated dishonesty at the most basic level.

I dream of a day when tolerance gives way to acceptance; when love is bigger than fear; when people are not diminished because of who they love.

It's time to let go of fear and free the soldiers, so they are free to be themselves - like you and me.

Free to Be

Here is why I love Obama ... if for no other reason than that his words lift us up, inspire and challenge humankind while offering a promise of hope for a kinder, more accepting, welcoming, inclusive society. The clip below is of a speech he delivered to a Gay Rights Group [Human Rights Campaign] October 10th.

By the middle of the address I could feel the tears. I could only think of the children and adults alike who are trapped by their secrets and their fear of rejection and ridicule, sadly, often by those who should love them most. How inspiring it must be for them to hear the President of  the United States passionately appealing to his people to create a society that is more just and inclusive. Hope is rekindled and the fires of equality are fanned.

People must be free to be themselves and live and love authentically. It seems archaic that in this day in age, in North America,  people must still struggle for the most basic of equal rights -- including the right to marry. I am an eternal optimist, and I believe that there will come a day soon, when the shackles of bigotry will be broken and all shall be free - to be.



You may enjoy these related posts:

• Yes We Can - Wish They Could
• Choosing Our Response
• Rainbow Disconnection

Rainbow Disconnection

How utterly disappointing ... the ruling by the California Supreme Court to uphold Proposition 8 - outlawing same sex marriages. How generous (dripping sarcasm) of them not to dissolve the unions of the more than 18,000 gay and lesbian couples who wed before Prop 8 took effect. I thought as a society we had moved past this ... I held the optimistic glimmer of hope that same sex marriages would once and for all be accepted and that the snowball of societal evolution would continue to gain momentum.

As a parent of a gay child in Canada, I can breath easy that my daughter will have all rights, options and choices for family and marriage available to her ... just as it should be for all members of society. Marriage has evolved over the ages and it wasn't so long ago that interracial marriages were illegal. I know there will come a day when Americans will enjoy the same liberties as Canadians. My heart breaks for those loving couples wanting all the rights and privileges of marriage who are living in States that do not provide this option. Unfulfilled dreams, disheartened, and discouraged. But I know that nothing signifies hope like a rainbow ... and as a proud mother, I know it will prevail.

The Rainbow Connection
Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions, they're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to believe it
But I know they're wrong - wait and see
Someday we'll find it
The rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish
would be heard and answered,
When wished on the morning star.
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing?
What so we think we might see ...
Someday we'll find it
The rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me (the mother).

Kenny Ascher & Paul Williams

Choosing our response

Haven't we all had thoughts or preconceived notions that we are not proud of -- feelings or ideas about things that we didn't even know we had? I think most of us would like to think we are open minded, unbiased, or non judgemental. Then we find ourselves looking at the homeless person squatting beside the curb with a cup out for coin and we feel a little more than a little uncomfortable. Or we pass a group of young lads with black skin decked out in hip hop duds and clutch our purses a little tighter. Snap judgements that we'd be ashamed to admit -- to ourselves or anyone else. These are revealing moments for us ... teaching moments.

I don't think we can help or stop those initial feelings or reactions that expose ... but we can control our response. We can "grow" through it, move past "tolerance" onto acceptance and understanding. We sell ourselves short and deprive ourselves of possibilities when we cave to generalizations and prejudice. Take for example my first encounter of women loving women when I joined the Women's Centre in college. I had never seen women being romantic and affectionate with one another and I can recall the knot in my stomach and the utter discomfort that comes with fear and ignorance. I pretended to be OK with it all and let me guard down enough to actually get to know the same women I had been cringing about. Fear fell away with the labels. Misconceptions were replaced with warm human beings and soon I didn't have to pretend. Lesbian had a face ... and a heart attached to it.

I can think of many times when I have battled my inner "isms" - and I know I am winning the war. I aspire to have a heart that is big and pure enough to love and accept the shapes, shades and variations of humankind. It's a choice I can make.

Yes We Can -- Wish They Could

In the afterglow of an election that seems to promise that everything is possible, I almost forgot that the same election put barriers squarely in the paths of a whole segment of society. Gay marriage was banned in the U.S.A.

Having a dear friend and daughter who is gay, I find this outcome archaic and to be a regression.
People usually marry for love and commitment, however it is also a legal status, with rights and responsibilities. Shouldn’t two people who love each other and who are committed to spending their life together, be allowed to do so with all the rights and freedoms that other couples have?

In Canada we not only have gay marriage, we have Common Law status, that is automatically granted to a couple who cohabitate for a period of time. This status affords couples with all of the rights and responsibilities of a married couple. This does not exist with the same rights and freedoms in the USA.

My daughter has not found love yet. However when that day comes, more than anything I wish her and her chosen one a life of shared dreams and love -- and a legal, fully recognized union -- a marriage and family. These are the same hopes I have for my other two daughters.

This is just another one of those times I am grateful to live in our welcoming, inclusive country. My daughter can say, "yes we can". Sadly, for gay Americans, "no they can't".

Cleaning Closets

Today was rather gray, humid, and somewhat unpleasant - weather-wise. The kind of day that gives you a guilt-free reason to putter the day away inside ... With it being the start of fall and all - I fully intended to tackle my closet. To bring order to chaos. To purge the unused, outdated, sentimental antique clothing that consumes so much of the space in the closet I share with my husband. I dabbled a little, getting caught up in the memories that each piece of clothing holds. It got me thinking about people and closets ...

There was a time when I started noticing subtle changes in my eldest daughter - withdrawal from her friends and our family; significant weight gain; becoming increasingly non-communicative an agitated. Something was amiss. My cheerful, chatty, social daughter was retreating into her own safe cocoon. High school brought added anxiety for her. I began to think that she had been traumatized in some way. Sexual abuse? It seemed unlikely however I decided to raise the issue with her. She seemed believable when she said that nothing like that had ever happened to her. I asked her if she thought that maybe she was gay.

I have friends - one very special one in particular - who are gay and I have witnessed the pain they have experienced from not feeling that they were free to be themselves. As I raised my children I tried to consciously create an open environment in which they could speak freely. We spoke of my friend and how people are different and the challenges those differences can bring. I openly told my girls that I hoped they would never have to "come out" of a closet. I never wanted them to feel that they had to go into one in the first place.

When I first asked my daughter about being gay, she appeared surprised and alarmed. She asked me why I would even ask her that. She said she didn't know ... It provided me the opportunity to tell her that if - down the road - she discovered she was gay, that our love for her would be unwavering. I told her that as a parent my deepest desire for her, was that she be able to be herself, and to live a happy healthy life - in love.

I took a pre-emptive step with my family and told them that I wasn't certain, but that there was a chance that my baby may be gay. I asked them to be respectful and to try to not be presumptuous around her ... " do you have a boyfriend yet?" "when you get married" etc. My family were great and responded with love and support. I think we grew as a family that day.

Years later when my daughter turned to me and simply said "It's official. I'm out. I'm gay", a humongous lump formed in my throat, we high-fived and I was at peace. My daughter didn't come out of a closet, but rather, she came out to herself - when she was ready.

Closets can be a dark and dusty place - filled with baggage and chaos. Definitely no place for people. Absolutely no place for my baby - or anyone else's.

Proof Positive - It is Possible

Tonight I had the privilege of celebrating a special birthday of someone very dear to me. Technically she is my step-mom's mother - however Doris is so much more to me and my family. At 91 she embodies excellent health - the kind that comes from leading a good clean life. She is quick witted, sweet, loving and full of life. She is one of the most open-minded individuals I have ever encountered. I remember sharing the news with her that my daughter had " come out" and was gay. Doris - without a second's hesitation - said, well there you go! Now she can find someone special to love. It's love that is important, not whether it's with a man or woman. I was awestruck by her reaction -- or lack of one.

At her party, after she had opened all of her gifts, Doris smiled at us all and said that when she has to go, she hopes she can just " go" in her sleep. It's as simple as that. Doris has a way of seeing things in very simple terms. She is not a complicated person - what you see is what you get. And there is great comfort in that. She makes you feel loved and warm all over.

But don't be fooled. This feisty senior citizen has a rebellious streak. Don't tell her not to climb up on things, or not to go near the pool when someone isn't around to help her. Cause you can just bet that she will seize that as an invitation - a dare of sorts - and before you know it, you will find her straddling the kitchen sink and the countertops as she reaches for that dust atop of the cabinets. Or you will find her sweeping around the pool in those hard to reach spots - just to show you she can.

We love Doris not only because she is a joy to have in the family (cause she is) - but also because she reminds us of what is possible. A long, fruitful, healthful life surrounded by loved ones. Sound good? Sounds like a dream come true.