Woman Power!

WOMAN POWER! That was our daily chant for my girls and I when they were little. Sitting around the table, arms raised in exuberant abandon, we would release the words at the top of our lungs - much to the chagrin of my (then) husband. I know it may seem sexist and ex-clusive, but it was my way of making my little women feel powerful and strong - that they had everything they needed already deep inside them; that they had powers they could summon at a moment's notice. Funny enough, this was pre-Spice Girls' "girl power" era.

This is not to say that I don't think boys/men have power and strength; just look around, pick up a paper; proof of male power is everywhere: world leaders; presidents and CEOs of companies; news anchors; police officers; etc.  Sometimes girls have to look a little harder to find tangible evidence of the feminine variety.

My girls are strong, self sufficient, opinionated and appear confident. They are socially conscious and understand the value of family. And since the baby of the family, Kidlet, returned to university this year, I couldn't help but notice a shift in her demeanor, and I had to tell her so...

You are learning how to tap into your personal power --- or as I like to call it -- Woman Power! Of course that isn't fair, cause men have power too. It's just that somehow I think they are raised more to expect it; it is modelled more prominently for them to claim. Sometimes women need a little more coaching to see what has always been with them; to claim it. But honestly, when I think of how busy life used to be and what used to get accomplished in a day when we were raising a family, working overtime, keeping a semblance of order at home, and nurturing sick family - I used to feel like I had magical powers that I could summon to get me through. And I did. And we all have them. Just remember that.

When you were little and asked for a magic suit for Christmas and I resurrected my sewing machine to make you one, the first thing you did was put on the white sparkly gloves - and then come to tell me that they didn't work! I told you that the magic was in you - not the gloves.

Always remember that.

Women Power

I don't fancy myself a particularly "girly" girl woman. I never have been. I spent my teen years in Greb work boots and denim overalls and usually opted for the shirt and tie for school band performances. I played a baritone (smaller version of a tuba) and sat in the back with the mostly male brass section. I felt most comfortable in my well worn blue jeans and soft flannel shirt with the ground firm beneath my feet.

These days I dress for the office but my off duty style hasn't evolved. My love for my blue jeans and comfortable footwear remains intact and I am most happy in my hubby's flannel.

My notion about what is feminine has never been connected to my appearance. I was surrounded by strong women - mother, grandmother and sisters and raised three independent young women. I have been immersed in the feminine my whole life; I have felt my most feminine when:

• I have felt my power surging through my veins, driving me to ask for promotions or challenging me to right a wrong.
• I felt my babies move inside me.
• only my hugs and tender loving care could comfort my sick baby.
• I wiped the brow of my ailing mother.
• I stood side-by-side with a man whose love for me is as great as mine for him
• I could support myself and my family.
• my strength was tested and I learned just how resilient I am.

Loving myself and becoming the best version of myself makes me feel good - thus look good, although these days the "power surges" I experience have more to do with age than anything else. Peace and contentment radiate as authentic beauty that cannot be manufactured. What makes women feel feminine is as diverse as the women themselves; as for me, femininity has been a state of mind that has more to do with my sense of self and little to do with the height of my heels, the cut of my blouse or the shape of my brows. We women are blessed with an unique energy and essence that offers unlimited possibilities, if we can learn to access it.

And that is why my girls and I used to start our day with arms raised bellowing chanting "WOMEN POWER".

Women Empowered

I have been interested in the concept of microfinance for some time now and became a Kiva lender to learn more about how it works and the impact it can have. Although there is great need everywhere, I have focused more heavily on lending to women entrepreneurs, as in many cultures and communitites, girls tend to be much more disenfranchised. And maybe the fact that I have three daughters has something to do with it ... I am inspired by people who make it their life's work to help solve problems and raise up those who need it most; people who do what they can to make the world a better place.

Here is a shining star for you: Roshaneh Zafar from Pakistan, Winner Of 2010 Global Leadership Award,  was honored for her work bringing economic empowerment to her country’s poorest women. In 1996 she founded the Kashf Foundation, the first Pakistani microfinance organization to focus on women. Zafar has empowered and helped over 300,000 women gain economic independence. I love it - a hand up - not a hand out. That makes her a hero and an inspiration in my books! Watch and prepare to be inspired too.

Oh Oprah

I've watched the Oprah show for close to 20 years now. I've always been a fan and an admirer of her accomplishments - both as a professional and a woman. But the past few years I have found myself  feeling impatient and disappointed in Oprah. Not that I have any right to ...  Oprah has achieved the pinnacle of success and is probably the most powerful and influential media person on the planet. In addition to her TV talk show, she publishes a magazine, owns and hosts a satellite radio channel, develops education and charity projects around the world, produces movies, and calls Presidents of countries "friend". She's a shining example of someone pursuing and living her dream; she's a role model for a generation of women and girls.

And yet all of this is not apparently not enough. It still comes down to weight and body image. She talks incessently about this on her TV show. She has been forthcoming about her weight struggles and over the past decade of her roller coaster relationship with her body, she has reframed the issue and served it up in many different flavours -- health; self esteem; living the best life; being the best version of  yourself, and it goes on.

I can understand anyone wanting to be healthy and live an active healthy lifestyle. However in Oprah's case, she has lost weight down to the skinny several times and she seems to gain back to a full female figure. Maybe she was never meant to be a slim woman. She once said that to maintain her size 12 body (not tiny by any means) she had to run on the treadmill for an hour each day .... r u n.

My disappointment comes with the mixed message Oprah represents. If you are the most well known, powerful, successful woman on the planet and achieved a monumental body of work - and you still can't be happy with yourself because of your weight - it represents everything we (and the Dove campaign) try to teach our girls not to be.  I wish Oprah would be contented with her personal success and phenonmenal contributions to humankind and not focus on the one thing she does not have -- a slim body. For millions of women around the world, struggling with the many issues she discusses on her show, Oprah is an icon - a symbol of possibility.

But the message is clear --  no matter how successful you are -- if you aren't slim  -- it's not enough.

Perhaps Oprah needs to revisit the poem of her mentor Maya Angelou ....

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

[Excerpts from Phenomenal Woman, May Angelou]

Take my advice ... Kidlet

~ perseverance ~ or ~ We need a new screen!

Once my girls entered the workforce I found myself (in parental zeal) imparting little tidbits of advice that I had learned along the way. Usually lessons I learned the hard way. Advice on how to get a job; how to get ahead, how to be a superstar and rock at work; how to deal with work politics and difficult or awkward situations; and how to see the big picture. I was lucky to have learned many of these life lessons from my parents by working in our family owned businesses and was spared the embarrassment of being called out by a boss. Kidlet will be getting a summer job (pleeeze) soon so this post is for her ...

Do more than is expected
Forget the phrase "it's not my job". As my dad taught me, when you are being paid - you are being paid to be busy; when you finish the job you think you were hired to do, seek out more work or ask how else you can help.

Fight monotony by setting goals for yourself
When I worked in our family store and the time dragged on, I set a goal of trying to get a compliment from each customer. I smiled widely, I chatted pleasantly (to even the crustiest of customers), I tried to remember the wants of my regulars and have them ready for them by the time they reached the counter. I got addicted to hearing, "thank you dear, you've made my day". I kept a tally of each compliment and tried to beat it every night. (Thanks Mom for this one).

Make yourself indispensable
My dad taught me this one ... be the kind of employee that is truly missed when you are away. In my first real full time job I used to order the coffee, run errands, put money in parking meters for executives, and hand deliver the daily newspaper to the president with a post-it note happy face on it. I always asked him how his day was going. No job was too lowly and I filled every gap I could see. I delighted having the account execs asking where I had been and how much they missed me, after being off work a day or two. They depended on my for all the little comforts. As my dad said, if you can be away and not missed -- are you even necessary?

When you want out of a job you hate, be really great at it
When a job is difficult or just plain miserable, do it stupendously well and you won't have to do it for long. The trick is to get noticed -- and promoted! When I landed a job as a customer service rep for a nasty cable company answering 150 calls from angry, frustrated customers, I thought I was going to explode by the second day. I decided right then and there to be the best darn CSR they had -- I worked at answering the most calls and making the highest sales. Within 2 months management thought my talents were being wasted on the phones. Eureka!!

Create the job you want
Get in the door and after you perform the core function for which you are hired, fill in the job with tasks and other responsibilities that you are interested in or are good at, that aren't currently being done (well). Round out the job, develop it and add value. See first point - do more than is expected. You can create the job you want and then they hire someone else to sweep!

OK Kidlet -- here are five tips to start with. Get the resume updated and we can work on getting that first job. Benzie needs expensive gas!

I Walk the Line

I had promised myself that I would make it to the gym at least three times a week (during my lunch hours). I spend my life sitting on my behind in front of a computer (just like I am right now) and if I don't occasionally stir, rigor mortis starts to set in. I am letting things get in the way of my fitness -- I could make a million excuses, but that's all they would be. My body is mad at me -in fact it is rebelling - it is losing all flexibility, elasticity and all other "abilities".

So I am trying harder to keep my commitment to myself. When I get home from work and after dinner Hubby routinely asks me "You don't feel like walking the dog, do you?". Lately I never feel like walking the dog, but I am bundling up the lethargy and parking it by the curb and making the effort to spend a few precious moments with my sweetheart and pup (and my camera).

I stand in my full length mirror searching for signs of improvement -- muffin toppers a little less topping; the personal floatation devices a little deflated; perhaps one less chin; looking only slightly with child; a little muscle definition anywhere. Looking for a sign -- any sign. Ah but it is not to be -- not yet! But I am not dismayed. I will persevere! I'll walk the line - cause those rolls are mine.

Power of Influence & Love

If I was looking for inspiration after a somewhat uninspiring day, I found it in the movie Slumdog Millionaire. In the film, a contestant in the Indian version of "So You Want to Be a Millionaire" is arrested for suspicion of cheating after answering all of the questions correctly. During questioning the contestant reveals how events and moments from his life shaped his future and imparted wisdom.

It got me thinking about how we are shaped by our early beginnings - childhood - and the people in it. They help influence our thinking, our values and how we perceive ourselves. In grade school my music teacher convinced me that I had talent; that I could be a featured soloist of the band - if I practiced daily. Funny thing was, I only knew 4 notes on my brass instrument! But - I had a destiny - a talent. I lugged that baritone (small tuba) home and treated my saintly parents to daily random collections of notes! I worked hard and got to be very accomplished and a soloist - all because someone else thought I had greatness in me.

Years later, that very same teacher laughed when I told him how he had inspired me with his belief in me. He confessed that at the time he thought I was tone deaf and pretty much hopeless but -needing a baritone player for the band - he said whatever he thought would get me practicing. A lifelong myth - debunked! But it showed me the power others can yield - if we allow it. This can work both ways - positively and negatively. I shudder to think of the consequences if that same teacher had suggested that I drop music ...

I think the same principle applies to love. We learn how to love from those who loved us as children. My parents were generous with their love to me and my siblings, raising us in a home filled with affection and love expressed - between our parents, and shared amongst us. Hugs and kisses were bountiful and as a parent, I imitated those expressions with my own children. Unconditional love can make everything seems possible and strengthen our armour of self worth.

But what of those who are not so fortunate? They navigate life's rocky channels without the confidence of knowing; but rather, hoping - accumulating know-how with earned experience.

We learn how to love and if we are very blessed, we get taught by the best. I am grateful I was.