Tribe Time

Kitchen chatter

Friday night was a historical one - at least for our family, and for several reasons. It was the first time the parents of my daughter and her fiancee met, and it was the first time that all my husbands - exes and present - were together in celebration, in one room. My future son-in-law has an extended family as well and he was proudly represented by his mom and step-dad, and his father. It sounds complicated, however it was a relaxing family mosaic of diverse personalities and relationships bound together by the abiding love for the young couple.

We nibbled, drank, laughed, teased and debated around our dining room table. We exchanged memories, and ideas, and frivolity and joy reigned supreme on the beaming faces that lined the perimeter.

There was consensus - we all liked one another! I think even the dog liked everyone or at least no one got bitten. Life serves up some pretty tough challenges and lessons and sometimes, when it all comes together so easily, it is reason to rejoice and hold tight these gems. They are off to a fine start!

Harmony and her beloved are fortunate; they are anchored by a council of wise elders ha! and have a large, loving tribe to support them in their journey. They are loved by many, and now, with the tribe expanding to encompass even more, so are we all!

Stand Up

Image from http://speakequal.com/u-s-education-secretary-releases-statement-regarding-recent-lgbt-youth-suicides/

Bullying and teen suicide. The tragedies and images are leaping off the pages, and our TV/computer screens. It's beyond disturbing. It has become an issue of epidemic proportion.

Someone I love once described suicide as not having a desire to die, but rather being too exhausted to live. Bullying can do that to someone. It can wear them down; grind them into disenfranchised shreds; strip them of self worth and deplete them of the will to go on ...

Although there are often complex reasons behind a suicide, being gay or different seems to be a recurring theme. Our teens are killing themselves because they can't find a safe place in our society to become all they were meant to be. Being gay is not as rare as we are lead to believe ... if everyone who was gay - every teacher, judge, politician, pastor, athlete, leader, celebrity - was "out" and living their lives authentically, it would not only diffuse the "different" factor just by sheer number, it would show our kids that everyone has a place at the table; it would give our kids something/someone visible to relate and hold onto.

I am a mom of a gay daughter and I will not accept "tolerance", pity, or sympathy for me or her, nor fear; nor judgement from anyone. I won't accept anything less for her than all she is entitled to; the same love, respect, rights, responsibilities, liberties, opportunities that are granted to every citizen in our country. Nothing less; no comprise. None.

But it's time for us to give the news stories more than a passing sigh and moment of silence. It is time for us to be outraged and become warriors to protect our children -- our future generation. Bullying has to be dealt with head on in the schools, in the home, within families, in the workplace and in the justice system. We must speak out, demand that our schools educate our children about bullying and the roles everyone have to play in preventing, protecting, and reporting. Gay adults have to step forward to dispel fears of the unknown; to model a different face of "normal". We adults (gay or otherwise) must STAND UP and provide a safety line for young people drowning in misery. Most of all we have get over ourselves and let people be who they are or who they want to be. Unless of course that means becoming a murderous criminal or bully. Period.

Rick Mercer, a talented Canadian famous for his clever, witty passionate rants, added his voice to the chorus of adults who publicly declared their gay status in the "It gets better" video shot a year ago to encourage young gay kids. He feels that it is time to move beyond telling our kids that it will get better, and start working to change that which is hurting them - and protect them. He can speak for himself; watch the video below:

Trading Shackles

News footage shows the rejoicing in Libya at the prospect of democracy; Libya’s new leaders said they intend to make Islamic Sharia law the main source of legislation. And although it does not necessarily mean that the government will implement all provisions (some harsh) of Sharia - it is subject to interpretation, laws related to personal status - divorce, inheritance, marriage will likely apply. Women are not granted full equality in this system. I understand and respect the rights of religions and cultures to establish their criteria, however shouldn't participation in said be voluntary; chosen of a free heart and mind? This will be difficult when the laws and hence the penal systems uphold the new way forward.

I can't help wondering what this will mean for women -- half the population. Will the women of Libya who fought as vigorously as their male counterparts for change and liberty be forced into societal shackles, or will they be able to exercise free will? Will they have the right to choose their own destiny; and will there be harsh punishment for non-compliance? It is troubling to me that this direction for the nation is being determined by a leadership practically devoid of female voice.

I can only hope that the women of Libya will get the life they seek and deserve. And that's the political rant for the day.

My Clan is Bigger Than Your Clan

On Friday night the tribes will converge, merge and hopefully not purge -- I am cooking, after all! We are hosting the first - of what is sure to be many - wedding tradition: the "meet the parents" dinner. Harmony will have her mom (ME) and three dads (each of them very nice, but I have my favourite) and her sisters to prop her up if she overdoes the sparkling water and rice crackers. Her beloved Hubby-in-waiting will have his mom and step-dad and father in his corner. hmm, seems a little tilted to the bride's side.

I have promised to be on my best behaviour; no inappropriate jokes relating to sex, religion, age, gender, speech impediments or appearances -- hair, the lack thereof, or the quality of makeshift solutions. I will refrain from retelling any frightful tales related to Harmony's birth how many stitches I had or about her father making a quick stop to grab a submarine sandwich on the way to the hospital while I laboured gracefully between short, rapid breaths. It didn't stop me from rolling down the window and calling after him to "grab me an "assorted". I'll be hungry later". And I was. And I gobbled it up within minutes of delivering her. But I digress ... see the problem?

Getting back to the blessed event ... the Friday night dinner I am throwing; the roasted squash and apple soup is made and nesting comfortably in the freezer, and the menu is set. Hubby will be grilling the livestock on the the BBQ while I drink and I will ensure there is something to satisfy every dietary restriction- gluten-free, dairy-free, vegetarian - and guilty pleasure - chocoholic fixes, seafood and wine -- lots of wine.

All kidding aside, it is fun to look forward to all of the pomp and tradition that comes with these milestone events. My little one has grown into a woman and time is marching on. Things that were once mysteries to me -- what kind of woman she would become; if she would marry, and if so, what kind of person she would  choose - are now being revealed. Life is truly a wondrous adventure serving up the predictable and the unimaginable, and the whole time reminding us what it means to live.

Life is good, and for that I am truly grateful.

Pups, Pregnancy and Pictures

What a relief to awake to sunshine today after a full week of dreary. A sunbeam streamed in the window, beckoning to me. So I left my nasty headache on my pillow and joined the day; I had a good feeling ... and rightfully so!

Another fur-ball joined the tribe. My almost thirty daughter she hates when I say that picked up her puppy this morning and brought it over for a Fritz inspection. Of course the precious little ball of fur with the button nose sucked us all in and we found ourselves cooing and speaking in high pitched baby voices. Fritz was skittish and confused. He went nose to nose with the pint-size while we held our collective breath, hoping he wouldn't pull a sudden lunge or nasty attack. But he didn't. It was as though he knew that this little one was harmless and needed a delicate touch. In mere moments, the little puppy was shadowing Fritz all over the house. So, so cute and endearing.

Next on my agenda today was a little photo shoot for a young couple expecting a baby in January. My Tender Heart friend is going to be a grandma and I offered to document the pregnancy. We headed to the lake on this perfect fall day and soon we had a little audience watching the loving young couple pose for me.   The banter between the couple was easy and affectionate; and I couldn't help but get caught up in the joy of impending parenthood. I teased them and cracked inappropriate jokes to try to ease them into the poses. We exchanged "when I was pregnant" stories and we laughed as the lingering audience tossed out little quips and advice. Just like puppies, everyone loves a pregnant woman ... and the possibility and potential she carries under her blouse.

It's been a while since I've done a photo shoot for someone else and I thoroughly enjoyed it even though my DSLR and I are in the process of getting reacquainted. It was a good day, filled with life -- fur, button noses, beaming faces, bulging bellies - other than mine - and photos. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Meet Runyon - my daughter's pup 

Parents in waiting

Measuring the girth

Cut and Cheer

Interesting combo ... makes getting a trim look kinda fun!

Women Power

I don't fancy myself a particularly "girly" girl woman. I never have been. I spent my teen years in Greb work boots and denim overalls and usually opted for the shirt and tie for school band performances. I played a baritone (smaller version of a tuba) and sat in the back with the mostly male brass section. I felt most comfortable in my well worn blue jeans and soft flannel shirt with the ground firm beneath my feet.

These days I dress for the office but my off duty style hasn't evolved. My love for my blue jeans and comfortable footwear remains intact and I am most happy in my hubby's flannel.

My notion about what is feminine has never been connected to my appearance. I was surrounded by strong women - mother, grandmother and sisters and raised three independent young women. I have been immersed in the feminine my whole life; I have felt my most feminine when:

• I have felt my power surging through my veins, driving me to ask for promotions or challenging me to right a wrong.
• I felt my babies move inside me.
• only my hugs and tender loving care could comfort my sick baby.
• I wiped the brow of my ailing mother.
• I stood side-by-side with a man whose love for me is as great as mine for him
• I could support myself and my family.
• my strength was tested and I learned just how resilient I am.

Loving myself and becoming the best version of myself makes me feel good - thus look good, although these days the "power surges" I experience have more to do with age than anything else. Peace and contentment radiate as authentic beauty that cannot be manufactured. What makes women feel feminine is as diverse as the women themselves; as for me, femininity has been a state of mind that has more to do with my sense of self and little to do with the height of my heels, the cut of my blouse or the shape of my brows. We women are blessed with an unique energy and essence that offers unlimited possibilities, if we can learn to access it.

And that is why my girls and I used to start our day with arms raised bellowing chanting "WOMEN POWER".