Arctic Longings



Spirit of the Arctic - photo by Lyn

I found another reason to sit on the couch ... a new Canadian television show called Arctic Air. It is set in the high north and the story revolves around an airline in the Northwest Territories. I'm addicted. It takes me  back to when my dad was working in Cambridge Bay - now called Ikaluktutiak (say that after a few drinks). Picture a six foot two beefy white man bundled in a puffy down parka moving amongst the diminuitive Inuit people. And he swears he assimilated! He lived his dream and while he was doing it, I took the opportunity to venture up to the top of the world for a visit; actually two - one in the summer and another for the winter experience. I could write post after post about the experience but I will leave that up to my dad, Polar Bear from Peering Through a Porthole.

I have never heard silence like that which I experienced out on the land. My dad and I were sitting on our ATVs out on the tundra, watching the sun roll around in the sky (it doesn't set in the summer) and inhaling the stark, majestic beauty when he asked, "Lyn - what do you hear?"
"Nothing - not a thing" I answered.
"That's right" he nodded, quiet satisfaction written all over his face.

And in the absence of any competing sounds (e.g. traffic, planes, city hum), if you listen very carefully, you can hear the whispers of the land, sharing its sacred secrets; you can hear the beating of your heart and the rhythms of your life; meditation is imposed.

On my last night in Nunavut my friend and I built an inukshuk as a marker that we had been there to that magical place. My dad the consummate collector had rescued a small anorak from the landfill and when I placed it beside our inukshuk to take the shot, I felt as though I was photographing the Spirit of the Arctic. My inukshuk lasted several winters and when my dad left the north, it was still standing.

Watching the landscapes and listening to the distinct Inuit clipped, blunt speech on the tv show has stirred a yearning for the Arctic. I wonder if I will ever again hear the profound sound of silence of our North. I wonder if my inukshuk has withstood the test of time - as well as my memories.

The North has much to teach us. If you are interested in Inuit culture, this will be a wonderful resource.

Up and Downs

I had the night of a thousand dreams that kept me entangled until 6:10 am this morning. The blurry green numbers on my clock radio screamed the bad news -- I had slept in past my 5:30 get up time. And that is how my day started. not good.

I wasn't late for work despite the time I took to chisel the ice off my car - upside. When I turned on my cell phone I got a red screen that warned me I had to reboot back to factory settings, which I did - only to get a big triangle and exclamation mark! not good. I took the battery out, kissed it for luck and it paid off - cell phone resuscitated. upside.

Just in case I didn't get the message, one more kick in the butt was in order; my work computer was seized by the "anti-virus" virus within 10 minutes of logging on. really not good. But they were able to get me set up on another computer while they restored my machine. upside

And so my day went ... ups and downs all day long. It was comical, really. Obviously there was something I was supposed to be learning, and there was a great deal of effort to make sure I got the message. Was it a reminder to go with the flow; to not overact to trials and tribulations - that the pendulum swings back every time; or was it just to make me appreciate the days that go smoothly? I check "all of the above". I don't have too many bad days, and I can't even slot today into that category. So I can't complain but I can laugh it off and know that tomorrow is bound to be better. And for starters, I'm off to bed so I won't sleep in!

I got the message.

Unexpected Surprise

It seems the seasons are as fickle as I am ... balmy and rainy one day - freezing and snowy the next. Winter can't commit! On one hand I enjoy the unpredictability of it all ... writing hearts and happy faces in the snow on my hubby's windshield and sporting my puffy sub-zero tolerant down coat one day - and the next - splashing in springlike misty rain. On the other hand, I worry about the effects of global warming and how different winters in Canada are now from those of my childhood. The frigid used to set in by November and last straight through March - with no reprieve. Not so anymore.

There is lots going on in my life right now - I'm changing gears as quickly as the weather. Hubby and I landed an extraordinary opportunity to go to China and so I am brushing up on my Mandarin, arranging our visas (which ask if I have suffered any mental issues???) and planning our adventure. Hubby and I had just been discussing how it had been a long time since we had been on an adventure together and with our cottage sucking a big chunk of our funds, it wasn't looking like that was going to change any time soon. But just when you can't see possibility on the horizon -- opportunity comes knocking and your dreams materialize from wishes to reality. F A I T H   It's always worked that way for me. I've been fortunate and it has made me a fearless dreamer.

China wasn't on my bucket list but it landed in our lap. China must have something to teach me, so we will go with open hearts and minds and be grateful for this unexpected gift.  

I hope where ever you are, what ever stage of your life that you are in, that you dare to dream, and then walk boldly towards them. 

Now -- the hardest decision -- will it be a rain trench or down fill coat for tomorrow?

All Better!

huh um *clears throat* I'm back! After a three day horizontal holiday (cable tv is the pits by the way), burning through boxes of lotion-treated Kleenex (I'm worth it) and slurping enough cups of tea to float a boat - I am here to celebrate the virtues of NyQuil! I dispensed of my nasty ailment just in time to go to work today. I started off slowly but as the hours wore on, my cold wore off.

So I am back, better than ever. Just thought you'd want to know.  : )

And I am going to China. Did I mention that?

Sniffle, Snorkle and Cough

My head is fuzzy,
my nose so runny.
eyes are watering,
did I mention coughing?

It's called a cold
then why am I hot?
Wait! Now a chill
confirming I'm ill.

Powerful sneezes
and repetitive sniffles
Throw in some wheezes
and pass the Kleenex.

It could be a ploy
to get some tlc,
empathy, sympathy
a-choo, bless me!

More tissue please!

Living and Leaving

I just missed him by ten minutes. I called to say happy birthday to my father-in-law but he had already left for work. He's not one for long phone chats or alot of fussing but he does enjoy having his family about. However he's working all weekend so the celebration will wait for a week.

Gear shift. My ex-father-in-law passed away yesterday at the age of 92. My girls were understandably upset;  and as with Jewish custom, he was put to rest today. Amid swirling snow and frigid temperatures we formed a circle around the freshly dug grave and watched the solid wood casket adorned with the carved Star of David disappear slowly into the ground. We tossed poppies into the grave to commemorate his military service as the rabbi chanted in Hebrew. Then came the final and most difficult obligation -- to bury the dead. Each one of us took our turn at shovelling dirt from the pile onto the casket. It was a jarring sight, driving home the finality of death. I watched as his estranged son poured four shovelfuls into the hole -- one for he and his wife and for each of his sons, both of whom were not present, nor who were known to their grandfather. It was a heart wrenching sight. Were there regrets; words left unsaid? Would he find peace?

My daughter and I drove home in a blizzard, processing this ritual of death, discussing customs and these rituals that we cling to to ease us through this labyrinth that is our life.

Hubby just handed me the phone with a smile; my father-in-law was on the other end. My FIL joked that he and his son had run out of words in their conversation .... and then proceeded to chatter (uncharacteristically) about his day and all of the birthday wishes he received. He was clearly touched that his brothers had reached out to him and that he had heard from his loved ones. We agreed that a year lived was something that deserved celebrating. And so we will.

Today was a day of celebrating my father in laws --

one - a long life well lived, the return of his body from where it came, and the leaving of his spirit from this earth, and

the other - a year of life and milestone birthday (cheque is in the mail!)

Goodbye. You were loved.  Happy birthday. You are loved by many.

Life is a twisted yarn of irony, surprises, and mysteries. And that is what makes it worth living. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Memory Jolt

I was singing in the car on my way home from work. The sun was low in the sky under a blanket of gray and the wipers swiped in tandem with the music. I squinted to see the lines on the highway -- forgot my glasses at my desk -- and dodged pools of water that looked like small lakes.

And then it popped into my head - randomly, without warning: thoughts of my grandmother. I could see her  face and hear her faint, raspy voice. Flashback to my final visit with her. She told me to be a good wife and mother, and to have a happy life. She said not to worry, she was tired and ready to go. I kissed her and  whispered "I love you Gram", and she clasped my hands in hers and said, "I love you too Lyn. Every once in a while stop and say a little prayer for me".

And with that I walked to the door - looked back at her tiny, frail frame propped up in the bed - and said "Bye Gram. I love you". She smiled with great effort and mouthed "you too".

And so Gram, I kept my promise. I thought of you today -- and said a little prayer. It was random and unexpected, but memories are like that. Sometimes we choose them and other times, they find us.

You've been gone for twenty years; I still miss you.