Random Rattling

Sometimes there is so much to say - that I say nothing at all. Disjointed emotions,  revelations, epiphanies roll around my head like bumper cars - independently, unattached to words; content to remain unlabeled.

The long weekend opener of the season has come and gone, leaving a promise of sunnier and warmer days to come. The lilacs are spectacular, tapping on the window pane,  their scent - heavy in the air. I captured some and imprisoned them in a clay jug, but judging by the droopy sprigs, they seem to be rebelling. Spent holiday Monday removing last summer's plant corpses from the garden to give the new greenery a chance to thrive. My aging rose bushes lashed out at me as I tried to retire the brown and broken stems - and I have the scratches to prove it! The dandelions went more peacefully but the nasty thorny weeds showed me who's boss!

We've been immersed in precious new life and conversely, the struggles of an aging life. The newscast is riddled with stories of political corruption and man-made and natural disasters. Like a pendulum I swing from disgust and disappointment to shock and heartache at the destruction and losses; Boston, Bangladesh, Iraq, Hamilton, Texas, and Oklahoma. And just when you start to feel the "negative creep" ... stories of human triumph trump all and reminds me of the best part of humankind. Sometimes optimism gets buried under the noise, but like the resilience of humankind, it is omnipresent and just when we need it most, it rises to restore.

Sometimes there is so much to say - that you just start typing and magically the words attach themselves to  emotions and revelations that are rolling around your head - and you are surprised!

Earthbound

Ground control to Commander Chris Hadfield --- welcome home.

In a few minutes you and your two fellow astronauts will drop through the atmosphere and land somewhere in Kazakhstan. After five months of orbiting our planet, you will touch down, down to earth, once again.

I started each morning with your tweets, "Good Morning Earth" and incredible captures of our world. And each night I would go to bed after checking in for your "finale" photograph. I watched intently as you showed us what happens to your tears when you cry in space; and sang along with you when you dueted with Ed Robertson of the Bare Naked Ladies from the International Space Station (ISS). And you taught us that you could be serious and competent, with humour! I laughed when you tweeted that you broke the tie on your pajama bottoms, but that it was ok - they wouldn't fall down!

You reached out and shared the wonder of space and showed us new ways of looking at our home planet. Your enthusiasm was palpable and contagious, and somehow your upbeat optimism stirred hope within us. You took us along for the journey.

 When you formally handed over the ISS to the new command, I shed a little tear - and I am pretty sure you did too. Thank you Chris Hadfield for all you've done and shared. You make me proud to  be Canadian - and an Earthling.

Petals of Mom

Dear Mom,
Today is Mother's Day; a day that conjures mixed emotions.
I am a daughter without a mother.
You are not here to spoil and hold;
not here to laugh with or tell my dreams to.

And yet my love for you grows deeper.
I hear your gentle voice in my head dispensing quiet guidance.
urging me on, laughing, nodding in approval, as only you could do.
Your love lives on.

If I could, I would tell you that your life had meaning.
You have a beautiful legacy of grandchildren
who genuinely love and enjoy one another
as well as a family who stand solid and strong.

I see you Mom, in the hummingbirds flitting at the feeder
and in the dancing prisms from the crystals in the window.
I hear you in my brother's voice and
see you in my sister's face.

The warm scent of your neck
as I cried into your shoulder, still lingers,
as do your wisdom and lessons
and unconditional support.

So Mom, I guess you can tell that I miss you more than ever.
Time has not dulled the edge of grief
Nor filled the void of loss.
But I can assure you that your love lives on.

Because as you taught us all,
love is eternal,
love never dies.
And you were pretty much always right.

And for that I am truly grateful.

Happy Mother's Day to all the women who are moms or who "mother" someone. Know your impact.

Fast Forward

Frigid temperatures finally gave way to Spring, coaxing trees and perennials out of hibernation. Days tumbled into weeks since my last post - the busy-ness of life, shifts and changes all compressed into a sliver of time. My parents divested themselves from their life in Florida and came home. Our grand lady Doris got sprung from her retirement residence and is happily back living with her only daughter. We celebrated my sister's 50th birthday in true famjam fashion. We welcomed the nineteen year old daughter of my west coast cousin for a visit and played tourist with  her. AND I have a brand new niece AND an ecstatic MIH!

Where to start... I've been on overdrive with reflections and emotions rolling around my head and heart. I will share the best way I now how... in pictures.

Northern Reflections

When opportunity comes knocking -- you have to answer - ready or not. Last week I had the good fortune to travel to Yellowknife, a quaint, eclectic little town in Canada's Northwest Territories. I've been there twice before, but always cloaked in the dark of nighttime in a layover on my way to the high North to visit my Dad.   Of course it was a no brainer to leap at the chance to explore Yellowknife by the light of day.

So with down parka and trusty camera on hand, I landed in the tiny airport in which a huge stuffed polar bear stands poised over the baggage carousel, ready to pounce.

I had a day and a half to wander each and every street, alley and pathway in the crunchy, frigid north land  The north has its own brand of tranquility; the expanse of sky is wider and darker, brimming with starlight; the air is pure - turbo charged with oxygen; and there is a dead silence between sounds.

The town is friendly and welcoming with an unexpected Hawaiian-like aloha vibe. These people are well versed in going with the flow. Faces of all colours and cultures from far away places dot the citizen-scape. My cab driver explained that he was an engineer from Sudan who was driving a cab until other work opened up. The woman behind the check-in counter at my hotel was Philippino and expressed her envy of city shopping when I told her where I was from. When I asked if there were any Asian food restaurants  she laughed; apparently there is a booming Asian population and there are an abundance of Vietnamese and Chinese food restaurants. Who knew?

There is art everywhere, from professional polished bronze carvings affixed on buildings, to  grassroots flavoured, hand-painted scenes on garage doors.

As I peered out the plane window, with the frozen terrain fading into the clouds, I couldn't help thinking that this magical place is indeed one of the last frontiers; a mystery waiting to be discovered. Lucky me.

Here are a few captures from Yellowknife:

Vibrating and Gyrating

In an early morning chat with a colleague, I was explaining how we are all just energy vibrating at varying frequencies.  I was encouraging her to seek her highest self and operate at a higher frequency, and assuring her that if she did so, she would find that she attracts "like" energy -- people, situations and things. hmm I am not sure why that came out of my mouth but it was a classic "we teach that which we most need to learn" moment. I needed that timely reminder of a principle that I have embraced all my adult life, and one which has served me well and been instrumental in me creating the life I desired.

I was overdue for an alignment and the reminders came aplenty! I was inches away from locking my keys in my car today after I made an impromptu decision to walk to the gym instead of driving, My bag was in the car and I got distracted changing my heels out for my sneakers and almost shut the locked door with my keys on the backseat. Phew -- dodged a bullet! Not so fast...

Hit the change room and was ready - water bottle in hand - to hit the gym when I realized that I had locked the security pass in the locker -- along with the key to the padlock dangling on the locker -- along with my car keys, cell phone and work security pass. Cr@p! I started to vibrate all right... Humbled and embarrassed, I found the nice maintenance man who had a nice big set of cutters and begged asked him for help. He assured me that this kind of thing happened all of the time. "Really?" I asked. "Actually no -- but I didn't want to make you feel any worse."

After I completed my sweaty two miles and changed back into my work clothes, a coffee was in order. (Hey -- I skipped the sugar!) A sweet little lady ahead of me in line was in the midst of being rejected by a clerk who explained that she didn't have enough on her Tim Hortons' card to pay for her banana strawberry smoothie. She looked perplexed and confused just standing there. I signaled to the clerk to fulfill her order which unleashed a frenzy of good wishes and gratitude. The lady almost cried; the girl in the line behind me patted my back and another yelled across the restaurant -- "there are still nice people in the world" -- which then triggered a chorus of agreement and nodding. Who would have thought two dollars could be worthy of so much attention. I left a little lighter and happier with a tear for that sweet little lady who seemed to be invisible to the clerk; her humanity disguised in a face of misfortune.

So on the last leg of my day's journey, a forty-five minute commute in torrential rain - after I set my car alarm off and couldn't get it to stop - I avoided being side-swiped by a car who didn't check their blind spot. Dodged another bullet.

It's been a long day chock full of major and minor mishaps, with wonderfully inspiring notes as well. I was reminded to seek the humour in, and release, that over which I have no control. And although I will try harder to vibrate at a higher frequency -- today I was merely gyrating -- and some days are just like that!

Got the Fever

Deep breaths. You can smell springtime... or is that optimism? This is an ugly time of year with the gray monotone landscape, naked trees and dirty remnants left from the snow. It's the dreary that will soon transform into lush, colour and fresh.  I drove into the city to see Harmony yesterday. Signs of spring were everywhere and the transition - just beginning.

Fresh laundry waving from the line; bikes freed from winter storage lined up and ready; and the parks vibrant with frisky dogs, sports teams and scampering kids. A few hours in the sunshine and  thrive of the city and I've got the fever. Bear with me... it is a seasonal affliction that will recede when the fragrance of lilacs and apple blossoms hang heavy in the air. Here a few captures from my weekend of visiting (note the humongous pancakes that our dear Doris wolfed down for breakfast - and then charmed the restaurant owners to the point where they don't charge her for her food!).

Doris and her Saturday breakfast at the diner