Weekend Snippets and Remnants

The days were full; the tiny cottage stretched to accommodate the half dozen people and two dogs. Hands and feet entanglements and hip checks in the kitchen served as testament to the awkward layout. But happy chatter alternating with gentle puppy commands trumped all discomfort. I oscillated between my own childhood memories that the cottage triggers and the warm feelings that the family weekend conjured up.

I snapped some pics for posterity; you and your pal chilling on the dock - you - guitar in hand, singing at the top of your lungs and your pal sprawled out soaking up the sun. It was a weekend of firsts. You took your gangly puppy for her inaugural canoe ride as we waved you on from the dock. You christened the bunkie and filled it with your spirit. Sweet memories. We chatted quietly by the morning fire as the run rose over the islands. [File under "magical"]

It was a wonderful weekend; sometimes frenetic; at times chaotic and discombobulated and mostly memorable. Not even the broken septic pump and subsequent deployment of the outhouse could dampen the mood.

We waited as you packed up and then walked you up the hill to your car. Luggage and puppy loaded, a second round of hugs and you pulled away, waving and smiling as you disappeared up the drive.

And I stood there waving as well, feeling the lump in my throat swelling as my smile stiffened to abort the tears that appeared from nowhere. What is happening to me?

I walked back to the now silent cabin ... the walls still alive with your laughter and energy. I sat staring out onto the water. And I thought ... I am finally understanding how my parents must have felt when we came and went from their home as adults. Smiles, hugs and tears.

It was a bittersweet experience with each of our girls when they finally made the final break from home and forged out on their own. In a few weeks I will experience this for the last time when Kidlet leaves for college. Upside: house will stay tidy. I expected that to be the final hurdle but I am realizing that the conflicting feelings will be repeated again and again as long as I have daughters I love coming and going. A part of me never stops missing them and the clatter that comes with them.

So after a nice, long holiday weekend, I am surprised to find myself trying to reign in these remnants of confusing emotions. Motherhood! Maybe I'll make me a quilt!